Armageddon 2002

Heat Match: Jeff Hardy vs. D'Lo Brown
I'm not going to spend a lot of time on this pile of shit, other than point out Jeff's obvious botch of a ROLLUP!!! Yes, kids. That's how bad he was back then. The rest is boring, dull crap. DUD

Dudley Boyz vs. Storm/Regal vs. Jericho/Christian vs. Booker T/Goldust
The first few several minutes were sloppy and about as useful as shampoo to Michael Jordan, as the Dudleys and Team Excitement are ousted early. BookDust and Vitamin C have their usual good match against each other. BookDust and Vitamin C was a very underrated feud, IMO. This was probably their best match against each other, and great booking to have BookDust win, thus revitalizing the Tag Division...for a couple of weeks before they lose to Team Excitement, thus making the division stale again. ***1/2, but should have been just BookDust vs. Vitamin C, instead of the two other useless teams. Less is more sometimes.

Edge vs. A-Train
This wasn't brutal, but not exactly exciting, either, except for a couple of cool spots, like the top rope Edge-O-Matic. The ending was crap, too. ** Sad thing is that Vince blames it on Edge, much like he did Jericho, during his feud with Kane. A-Train is decent, but he does need some carrying in his matches, and Edge isn't the type of worker that carries matches.

Chris Benoit vs. Eddie Guerrero
Awesome match, but that is usually expected with these two. There was a spot where Benoit was going through the ropes, but Guerrero attempted a backdrop. That looked really cool for a ****-up. Lots of different WRESTLING techniques, reversals, and all-round goodness. **** Best match of the show, though their Vengeance 2003 match is a lot better.

Segment from Hell featuring Torrie, Dawn Marie, and Al Wilson
Now, kids. This is where you fast-forward the tape, or skip to the next match on the DVD. I had absolutely no desire to watch this garbage storyline again, so I skipped it. Needless to say, this storyline ****ing blew. I dare say that this was worse than the necrophilia storyline, because Raw killed it off (no pun intended) after a couple of weeks. This garbage went on for MONTHS, and led to several crappy matches, while HHH vs. Kane had a passable match at No Mercy, and a bad Casket match on Raw. Now excuse me while I jab myself with something sharp for remembering this shit.

*jabs himself*

*bleeds all over the place*

Now...back...to the...rant...and stuff...

*passes out*

Batista vs. Kane

*wakes up*

OK. I'm back. Where am I now? Batista vs. Kane? I almost want to pass out again. Actually, Batista and Kane, IMO, are two underrated power wrestlers, and I enjoy some power wrestling from time to time. This was pretty brutal, though not in a good way. Badly executed moves (especially that AWFUL powerbomb attempt by Batista, and that sad-looking spinebuster) doesn't do a lot for me. Kane was pretty bad here, too. 1/4*

John Cena rap
This was pretty much near the infancy of the rap gimmick, before he really got over. This particular rap was OK, but he's done a LOT better raps since.

Victoria vs. Trish vs. Jacqueline
I can see why they've given up on Jacqueline now. She has NO charisma, her skills have gone down the crapper, and gets about as much heat as a neutered dog. This match was a total mess. Just an unorganized pile of junk, with a terrible ending. Trish was hot, though, so that keeps it above negative stars. DUD

Kurt Angle vs. Big Show Big Show should have put a saddle on Kurt because he rode him to a good match. Big Show was his usual sluggish, slobby self, and Kurt was his usual awesome here. It was cool to see Kurt use several moves we hadn't seen him use too much, like the Tornado DDT, Missile Dropkick (a damn nice one, too), and the Moonsault Bodypress (though Big Show was totally out of position for it). Brock got the MONSTER babyface pop of all pops that night, which indicates that turning Brock face was a good idea. Also, Kurt gets the title, which is nothing but good in my books. ***, all for Kurt. None for Show.

Shawn Michaels vs. Triple H
Their Summerslam match was one of the best matches of 2002 (and THE best on several lists). This match, however, is not. This doesn't lick the boots of the Summerslam match. The streetfight portion was sloppy at times, but it was mostly good, especially the barbed wire 2x4 on fire. I'm always a sucker for that spot. The other two portions seems like a "Tribute To Better Spots" in slow motion, and really showed how limited in movement both were, especially the injury-prone HHH. The only real interesting thing about the cage match was Ric Flair, but he couldn't save it. HBK uses a splash off the top through a table, but it was done better when Jimmy Snuka and Rikishi did it. The ladder match was a joke. The Tribute to Better Spots continues, when Shawn misses a badly done splash off the ladder. This...match...is...going...so...s-l-o-w... The Tribute ends with the "push the ladder and the guy will fall through four tables on the outside" spot, but it was done better by Bubba Ray and Matt Hardy. And HHH is the champ again. ** for the streetfight, but the rest of the match exposed the limitations of each wrestler. They should have either stuck with one match instead of 3, or have a triple threat with RVD, because he was in the middle of the rivalry, and it would have been more interesting than seeing this match, and RVD at the World wearing an ugly T-Shirt.

Bonus DVD match: Edge vs. Eddie Guerrero vs. Chris Benoit vs. Kurt Angle This match totally killed anything on the actual PPV portion of the DVD (maybe except for Benoit vs. Guerrero). Just lovely work by all four of them, and, without reading the spoilers, you wouldn't have been able to predict a winner here going into it. Everyone was in prime form, especially Edge and Angle. This was when SD! was really at its peak. ****1/2

Verdict: Three decent matches, plus the Smackdown fatal four way make the DVD worth the rental. The World Title match is worth just one viewing, though, and the shit was REALLY shitty. Thumbs in the middle.

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