Burning Hammer Tape Review #16
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WWF: Royal Rumble 1994
January 22, 1994
--Taped from Providence, RI
--Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Ted DiBiase, Jim Ross & Gorilla Monsoon
--Tatanka V. Bam Bam Bigelow (W/Luna Vachon). Tatanka gets the pin at 8:12 with a Crossbody off the top-rope. * Basic wrestling, just dumbed down to Tatanka's level.
--WWF Tag Team Championship Match: Hart Brothers V. Quebecers (W/Johnny Polo). Harts are Bret & Owen in this match, and they were in the middle of some turbulent times thanks to brewing animosity between the two of them, but they managed to patch things up for this title match. Quebecers were also known as the Amazing French-Canadians in WCW, and consist of Jacques, otherwise known as Jacques Rougeau Jr. & the Mountie, and Pierre, who also had stints as Carl Oulette & the evil eye-patch wearing pirate, Jean Pierre-Lafitte. The Quebecers also boast one of the SWANKEST~ theme songs ever. Polo was formerly known as Scotty Flamingo in WCW, and would eventually change from his flashy & colorful persona here to the dark & gothic Raven. Quebecers go for a double Irish Whip, but Bret ducks underneath Owen, while Owen simultaneously hits Pierre with a Spear followed by a Rollup for a 2 count. Owen hits his SWEET~ Belly-To-Belly Suplex on Pierre. Owen with a Sharpshooter on Jacques, but Pierre breaks it up with a Bulldog. Bret tries running the ropes, but Polo pulls down the ropes causing Bret to crash to the floor and injure his knee. Quebecers work over Bret's knee, inflicting all kinds of damage in various ways. Quebecers isolate & work over Bret's knee some more, but when Bret finally makes the comeback, but instead of tagging Owen he applies a Sharpshooter on Pierre, only to have his knee give way underneath him & cause the ref to stop the match at 16:46 and declare the Quebecers the winners due to Bret's injured knee. ***3Ú4 Really good tag match, with some really good wrestling and a nice underlying story in the tension between Bret & Owen. Post-match Owen berates Bret, asking why he didn't just make the tag. Bret finally makes it to his feet only to have Owen kick out his bad leg from underneath him, instantly turning Owen heel, a position he would stay at for the rest of his career except for a brief period in 1997-98. I have always been one of the people who sympathized with Owen, and thought Bret was being a selfish little prick who got what he deserved.
--WWF Intercontinental Championship Match: I.R.S. V. Razor Ramon. IRS is the acronym for Irwin R. Schyster. Weird spot where Ramon puts his foot up to block an IRS Double Axehandle off the middle-rope, but IRS stops short to avoid Ramon's foot and sidesteps it to hit an Elbowdrop, that was a surreal sequence. Ref bump allows recently returned from suspension Shawn Michaels to come from the back & lay out Ramon with his version of the Intercontinental title. IRS gets the pin at 10:46 with a Lateral Press to become the new champ following the interference from Michaels, but another ref comes from the back & points out the interference, so the original ref restarts the match. Ramon gets the pin at 11:48 after hitting the Razor's Edge. * Basic match, where the only purpose was to further along the Ramon/Michaels feud.
--WWF Heavyweight Championship, Casket Match: Undertaker (W/Paul Bearer) V. Yokozuna (W/James E. Cornette & Mr. Fuji). Casket match rules are simply that you beat up your opponent enough that you are able to place him in & lock him in a casket at ringside. Yokozuna is one of the worst big men to ever step foot in a wrestling ring and he also briefly wrestled in the USWA as Kokina Maximus before coming to the WWF, which was a much cooler name than Yokozuna. Undertaker goes for what I think was supposed to be a Clothesline, but Yokozuna moves out of the way and Taker awkwardly falls to the outside. Taker gives Yokozuna a Chokeslam, although Chokeshove would be a more appropriate name, since Yokozuna's feet left the mat by about 1Ú4 of an inch. Taker is about to shut Yokozuna in the casket when Crush interferes to attack him, and he's quickly followed by Great Kabuki, Tenryu, & Bam Bam Bigelow, but Taker fights them all off. Adam Bomb & Jeff Jarrett now come out to attack Taker, but he fights them off as well. The Headshrinkers come out & also attack Taker, and they're followed by Diesel, and the absurdity continues as Taker fights every single person in the ring off. Yokozuna knocks out Bearer & steals the urn, which begins to billow out green smoke after he opens it. Yokozuna wins the match at 14:26 after he & about 50,000 other people lock Taker in the casket. -***** Match was atrocious, but the peyote trip doesn't end there. Halfway down the aisle green smoke starts to billow out of the casket, and Taker appears from inside the casket (with a wide angle shot, since apparently the Casket is about 100 feet deep) on the video wall, and rambles on & on about a bunch of crap until his form on the video screen starts to go through some sort of electric shock. Now, the casket on the video screen blows up (despite the casket in the arena being clearly visible and in perfect condition) and Taker is now in some sort of electric form on the video wall, where he eventually levitates out of the wall and Marty Jannetty dressed as Taker levitates from the wall and out of sight of the camera. Whatever ganja the WWF writers were on when they thought up this shit is some strong fucking stuff, and I seriously need to get some if it can cause you to think up stuff as fucked up as this was.
--30-Man Royal Rumble Match: Basic Rumble rules apply here, with the exception that there will be 90 second intervals in between wrestlers coming out instead of the usual 2 minutes. Scott Steiner is #1, and he can still wrestle at this point, so it's all good. Samu is #2. Rick Steiner is #3, and he & Scott double team Samu until Samu eliminates himself on a Crossbody attempt. Kwang is #4 & he immediately blinds Rick with mist to the eyes. Owen Hart is #5, and he's practically booed out of the building. Owen eliminates Rick. Bart Gunn is #6. Diesel is #7, and he goes on a rampage, eliminating Gunn, Scott, Owen, & Kwang within seconds of each other. Bob Backlund is #8, and he puts up some fight before Diesel eliminates him. Billy Gunn is #9, and is immediately eliminated by Diesel. Virgil is #10, replacing Kamala II, and is eliminated after a few seconds by Diesel, and the crowd starts a huge Diesel chant. Randy Savage is #11, and he manages to stay alive by taking the fight to Diesel. Jeff Jarrett is #12. Jarrett tosses Savage over the top, but Savage manages to hang on and sneak back in to eliminate the showboating Jarrett. Crush is #13. Doink the Clown II, who would be the Brooklyn Brawler, is #14, as Crush eliminates Savage. Bam Bam Bigelow is #15, and he immediately goes after Doink, and eliminates him in short order. Mabel is #16, and the ring is currently filled with a HOSS bonanza. Sparky Plugg, Bob Holly in a terrible Nascar gimmick, is #17. Shawn Michaels is #18. Everyone gangs up on Diesel, with Michaels providing the final push to eliminate his bodyguard, who leaves to a big Diesel chant. Mo, from Men On A Mission, is #19. Greg Valentine is #20. Tatanka is #21. Great Kabuki is #22. Everyone gangs up on Mabel to eliminate him. Lex Luger is #23, and he immediately eliminates Kabuki, who had attacked Luger earlier in the night. Tenryu, because apparently Genchiro Tenryu isn't evil and/or Japanese enough, is #24. Kabuki & Tenryu were brought in by Mr. Fuji to take out Luger specifically just for this match only. #25 is a no show, and would later be revealed to be Bastion Booger, and he's eliminated the moment Rick Martel comes out at #26. Bret Hart, with a very bad limp, is #27, and he's greeted with a mammoth pop. Fatu is #28. Luger eliminates Crush, as Marty Jannetty is #29. Michaels & Jannetty go right after each other in a heated exchange. Adam Bomb, the future Wraith, former Night Stalker, and current Bryan Clarke, is #30. Bret eliminates Plugg. Martel eliminates Valentine, and then is eliminated by Tatanka. Bomb eliminates himself on a Clothesline attempt. Fatu eliminates Mo. Bigelow eliminates Tatanka, and is then eliminated himself by Luger. Michaels eliminates Jannetty. Luger & Bret team up to eliminate Tenryu.
Final four are Bret, Michaels, Fatu, & Luger, and for some reason I don't see Fatu walking away the winner. Bret eliminates Fatu & Luger eliminates Michaels simultaneously. Match is a draw at 55:36 when Bret & Luger eliminate each other simultaneously and are declared co-winners as a result. ***1Ú2 Good Rumble, with the only real problem being too much dead weight in the ring for too long of a time after #30 hit the ring. Still, a good Rumble that featured one ten minute span that propelled Diesel into a star for the rest of his career.
--Final Flash: A good tag title match featuring a great heel turn by Owen Hart, and a good Rumble, plus this also featured the birth of a star during the Rumble match itself in the form of Diesel. All of that plus the debacle of Undertaker/Yokozuna, which everyone needs to see, make this event worth your while.
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