Bonus Rant: ECW on TNN (9-8-00)
Some may be wonder why I'm doing this too. Well, I just let the No Mercy tape roll a bit, and this pops up by surprise, as I thought I taped over it. Good thing, too, because this has one hell of a main event.
ECW TV title: Rhino (c) vs. Kid Kash
The tape is JIP when RVD comes out and hits a Van Daminator on Rhino, then hits a Van Terminator. Kash and RVD do their version of Event Omega, with RVD doing the Five-Star, and Kash doing a legdrop, and Rhino is finally beaten, and Kash becomes the TV champion. I remember this as one of the very first times Rhino was pinned. The next week, Rhino squashes Kash and gets the title back. I was a Kash mark back then, so I was pretty happy with this decision back then. I won't rate it, as it wasn't really a match, and I don't have all of it.
ECW Hotline commercial. I gotta feel bad for the poor suckers who spent the money to listen to updates on the cast of Survivor settling their differences in the ring, especially when 1) it turned out to be bullshit, and 2) you can get whatever info they're selling on the net for free.
Commercials
Replays of what I missed, including Paul E. Dangerously smashing a cellphone in the back of Cyrus' head, then Rhino GOARing Dangerously through a table. That leads to a massive locker-room clearing brawl. Kid's music plays, as he comes out for his scheduled match, and bodysurfs through the entire roster to get to Rhino. They then show Kash doing an insane springboard somersault plancha onto EVERYBODY on the outside to get to Rhino. Awesome visual. Sandman came in and caned the crap out of Rhino, but Rhino no-sells it and GOARS Sandman. Everything afterwards was covered.
Commercials
Tajiri, Mikey Whipwreck, and Sinister Minister cut a really fucked-up promo in Times-Square.
Commercials. Yeah, one hour full of wrestling my ASS.
Blue Boy vs. Balls Mahoney
This is the first match Blue Boy (formerly the Blue Meanie) had in ECW since he came back after losing 100 pounds. He has porn-star Jasmine St. Claire with him. Balls comes down (Joel: "And Jasmine is set to go face to face with Balls"), and, before the crowd can sing the chorus to "Big Balls", they go into yet ANOTHER commercial break. All these commercials make me a sad panda. We come back with Balls dominating with punches, with the crowd chanting "BALLS" with each one. ECW crowds were mostly scumbag vampires, but they did add to the show when their presence is warranted. Top-rope clothesline from Blue Boy gets two. Some more jobber offense by The Artist Formerly Known As Meanie. He does bump like a maniac, though, even when getting shoved by the "extreme official". Boy goes to the punches, but Balls no-sells them, and curses him out in the process. Ball Breaker (sitout spinebuster) gets two. New Jersey Jam (guillotine legdrop), but Jasmine is distracting the ref. Balls grabs her (Joey: "Balls has a handful of Jasmine"), and kisses her (Joel: "And Jasmine has a mouthful of Balls"). I know they gave him that name for easy material, I just know it. Superkick gets two, and a BRUTAL chairshot gets the three. Postmatch sees Jasmine try to chair Balls very weakly, but Balls gives her the Nutcracker Suite (modified Michinoku Driver #2), and puts her in a silly 69 position with Blue Boy. Lucky bastard. Pretty much a squash for Balls. 1/4*
Clips of Jerry Lynn beating RVD somewhat clean in a tag match, and beating Justin Credible later that night.
Some really fucked up stuff happens at "ECW New York", where a 65-year old Zach Gowen is seen being carried out of a bar by a Baldie, probably Grimes, and having his leg taken from him.
More exciting commercials!
ECW Tag Team titles: Unholy Alliance (c) vs. FBI
The FBI consists of Tony Mamaluke and Little Guido, currently known as Nunzio. They have Sal E. Graziano with them. If you haven't seen him before, think of Weird Al in his "Fat" video. The stip is that if the FBI loses, they split up, and, remember, ECW ALWAYS adhere to their stips, except for stipulations in contracts pertaining to money. Tony and Mikey do some nice wrestling, with even a short-arm scissors in there. Not often that happens in ECW. Tony escapes a suplex and hits a German for a near-fall. Mikey gets a friggin' sweet spinning flapjack, and Tajiri and Guido are tagged in, in order to rekindle their feud. They get into another nice wrestling sequence, capped off with Tajiri kicking Guido. More nice wrestling stuff, then Tajiri gets a snapmare and weird rollup, and they stand off. Now THAT's a parity sequence. Not this "headlock, headlock, armdrag, armdrag, standoff, await applause from the trained seals" crap. Tony is tagged in after Guido takes advantage, but Tajiri just kicks the grease out of Tony's hair. Mikey is tagged in, and they go into one of the most insane chains of double-teams I've seen. First, they look like they're going for a double hotshot, but they just whip Tony onto the mat like a wet noodle. They then roll through with him, giving him even more whiplash as he landed on the mat. Then they do a modified Broken Arrow, with Tony facing Mikey, then Mikey holds him in a Ganso Bomb position, and Tajiri kicks him in the face, leaving Tony in a fucking heap. Awesome. Just awesome. In comes Guido, but the Italians fall victim to stereo STFs, then Tajiri switches up to a Bow and Arrow, while Mikey switches to an inverted STF. Great stuff. The FBI bail and group around Sal. Either that, or his gravitational pull sucked them right to him. This allows Tajiri to hit a beautiful Asai moonsault onto all three and a half guys. Now we get to the insane garbage stuff, as a table and chair are placed into the ring. The table is kicked into Guido's face, then they try sliding a chair into Sal's face, but he ducks. He climbs onto the apron, and gets a second chair to the spaghetti and meatballs, as Mikey leaps off Sal's back, and onto the FBI. Nice stuff. Tree of woe baseball slide on Guido, then Mikey leaps off the top rope and just kills Guido with a chairshot. Ouch. Mikey then places a chair on top of Guido's face, then pounds it with another chair. Double ouch. Guido blades off of it. Guido gets his revenge by killing Mikey with a chairshot of his own, and Mikey blades off of that. Tony gets a dropkick and a DDT for two. FBI gets a double backdrop suplex off the middle rope, but Mikey counters a headscissors with a WICKED tilt-a-whirl hotshot. Tajiri gets the tag and hits the handspring elbow, and just kicks Guido into jelly, then dropkicks him into the table, which was set up in the corner. Tony gets chaired, and Mikey gets a Whippersnapper (Stunner) from the apron to a table on the outside. Insane. Tajiri is attacked by Sal, but Sal gets misted. Sal manages to kick Tajiri, which leads to a chairshot from behind by Guido. Kiss of Death (Unprettier) on the chair gets the tag titles for the FBI. Hot DAMN, what a match. Great double-team stuff, insane spots, really neato wrestling in the beginning, and the garbage stuff at the end actually helped the match, not hurt it. One of the better ECW matches I've seen. ****
Verdict: Tag match was awesome, and the opening segment was pretty cool. That's enough for a recommendation, despite the big void of crap in between.
Recommended.
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