Royal Rumble 1995
IC Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. Razor Ramon
Jarrett has the Roadie with him, who is basically getting most of the heat for Jarrett. This was back in Jarrett's evil country singer days, which was why he wouldn't have gotten as mildly over as he was then in the first place if it wasn't for Roadie. Ramon, who was actually my favorite in this time period, starts off with a fallaway slam and a chokeslam, with no "mock Giant's chokeslam signal by making fun of his injured neck" taunt. Then Stall-a-mania runs wild on this match until Jarrett works the arm, then hits three beautiful dropkicks. Jarrett controls, getting several two counts in the process, including having his foot on the ropes on a pin attempt after a neckbreaker. Ramon comes back by puking in Jarrett's cowboy hat, er, I mean, ramming his unmentionables into the ringpost. I apologize for that joke, ladies and gentlemen, but I'm weak. I can admit it. Inverted second-rope bulldog gets two for Ramon. Ramon ****s up his knee after taking a tumble to the outside, and Roadie, ever the class act, clips Ramon, and he is counted out, giving Jarrett the victory, and not the title. BUT THAT'S NOT ENOUGH! Jarrett punks out Ramon, goading him into return to the ring, calling him "Chicken" in the process. What was Ramon afraid of? Bischoff wasn't in the building. At any rate, Ramon comes back because he has a heart of gold, and gets a couple of quick pin attempts, until Jarrett goes to town on Ramon's knee. Man, Ramon is really doing a sweet sell job of the knee. Jarrett gets the Figure Four (WOOOOOO!!!!), which gets some two counts, but Ramon escapes, chico. Another Razor comeback sees a backdrop suplex from the second rope, and a Razor's Edge attempt. That attempt is his undoing, as his knee gives out, and Jarrett small-packages him for the 3. A bit too much stalling in the first portion, but some great psychology and selling from Razor gives it a solid rating. ***
Undertaker vs. IRS
DEATH TO TAXES! If you liked the stalling in the last match, then THIS IS YOUR MATCH, as IRS is very reluctant to get into the ring, and finally does so after a couple of minutes. I'll give it credit as being sound psychology, as the smaller man wouldn't want to jump in there against a guy like Taker. Some more stalling happens, then Undertaker has his way with Irwin. DiBiase and IRS have a Money Inc. reunion of the minds, and IRS is worried, so DiBiase summons Jimmy Del Ray and one of the Blus (eventual DOA members Skull & 8-Ball, and current TNA stars Ron and Don Harris), dressed as druids. After a bit, IRS and the Bodies of Apocalypse triple team Taker, and IRS follows up with THE ROPE-ASSISTED ABDOMINAL STRETCH OF SCALDING AGONY AND EXPLOSIVE DELAYED DIARRHEA, which was a staple in all IRS matches. Taker comes back, fends off the druids, then fights his way into a chokeslam for the duke. Way too long, and filled with massive stalling. Boring stuff overall. King Kong Bundy comes in and squashes Undertaker, while IRS steals the urn from Paul Bearer. Gotta pay those taxes, Paul. *
WWF Title: Diesel vs. Bret Hart
I honestly believe that if Diesel were given the title after a lot of buildup than a house show against Backlund, and given lengthier programs with Bret, HBK, and even Backlund, that he wouldn't have had the no-drawing mess of a reign that plagued 1995. Bret goes after the often-injured legs of Big Kev to start, including a couple of figure fours. Diesel rolls to the outside, where Bret follows with a suicide dive into sort of a Lou Thesz press on the outside, with FISTS OF FURY. Diesel runs Bret into the stairs, and works the back inside the ring with a sideslam and an attempted Canadian backbreaker. Bret escapes that display of actual psychology by Diesel. Big boot and the elbow get two, brother. In a show of heelishness, Bret bails to the outside and ties Diesel's legs around the ringpost, and Bret goes to school, stomping Diesel. Coolness. Bret hits the usual setup moves for the Sharpshooter (bulldog, vertical suplex, Russian legsweep, backbreaker, and second-rope elbow). Diesel escapes after the elbow, then catches another Hart suicide dive attempt, and rams him into the post, setting up Bret's rib injury, which the announcers do a good job of selling. Diesel seems to be the face here, as Hart acts like a bastard heel to get an advantage. I like it. Diesel hits the LAZYBOMB~, but Shawn runs in to break up the fall and attack Diesel's leg. Ref orders the match to continue. YAY! Like his Clique mate, Ramon, did earlier, Diesel does a great job selling the injury. Bret continues the work on the leg, getting another figure four, until Diesel shows AWESOME psychology by hitting Bret's ribs to break the hold. Diesel pounds on the ribs, and hits a gutwrench suplex, landing him more on his ribs than his back, which adds to the psychology. Even Lawler pointed it out. Diesel is posted in the corner, and Bret hits Diesel's leg with a chair, drawing some damn good heel heat for such an over face. Sharpshooter attempt is thwarted by Owen, who exposes a turnbuckle, and whips Bret into it chest first. The match thankfully continues. How often do I say that about Kevin Nash matches? This is a rare case. Diesel rolls on top of the unconscious Bret Hart, but only gets two. Diesel goes for a chair to hit Bret, but he changes his mind (wuss), and Bret feigns injury and small-packages Diesel for two. At Survivor Series, that would be the ending. Ref bump, and Backlund, Diesel, Jeff Jarrett, Roadie, Owen, and Shawn do a mass run-in for the draw. Awwwww, man. What a ****ty finish. I can understand it, though, because they want to keep Diesel and Bret strong, though Bret Hart was totally kicked to the curb for most of 1995, feuding with future Wrestlecrap entries, while Diesel stunk up the joint with Sid and Mabel. Terrible ending, but excellent otherwise. Totally underrated, and lost in the crap heap that was most of 1995. ****1/4 Diesel and Bret do the face embrace afterwards after fighting off the entourage.
Tag Team Titles: Bob Holly & 1-2-3 Kid vs. Bam Bam Bigelow & Tatanka
This is the finals of the Tag Title tournament, featuring the heavily favored Million Dollar Corporation team facing a couple of underdogs in Sparky and the Kid, who made it to the finals after beating such tour de force teams as the Heavenly Bodies and Well Dunn. Those weren't upsets, but this would be a big one. Tatanka controls to start, and Bigelow dominates the face team. A great spot comes as Bigelow tosses Kid a good ten feet in the air, and Kid hooks a rana on the way down. Man, Kid was high. Bigelow comes back with a great-looking enzuigiri. Bob Holly comes in and gets killed by the heels. Some miscommunication spots follow, but Holly couldn't get the upper hand, and actually crawls into the wrong corner and tags Tatanka. HAH! Jeff Gordon must be spinning in his condo watching this. The crowd is getting really hot for this match, and the place really comes alive when Kid is finally tagged in. Kid unloads with some kicks and a somersault tope, but Bigelow presses 1-2-3-Pac over his head and tosses him onto the floor. The ending comes as Bigelow sets Kid up for the moonsault, but Tatanka runs the ropes, knocking Bigelow off the top and landing him on the back of his head. Nice bump. Holly takes out Tatanka, and Kid rolls over and gets the pin to a BIG pop. Great match, with lots of crowd heat, and a good story being told. ***1/2 Bigelow gets up, and walks around ringside, telling the fans not to laugh at him for getting pinned by Kid. Lawrence Taylor, sitting at ringside, makes fun of Bigelow, and Bigelow responds by SETTING HIM ON FIRE!!! Well, no. He shoved him on his ass, and the seeds for Wrestlemania XI's main event are planted. Vince sells it as if it were a shoot.
Royal Rumble match
This is the infamous Rumble, with 60-second intervals, which didn't please very many people, even some casual fans. I'm glad they didn't follow through with that stip on this year's Rumble. HBK is #1, and the obvious person to face Diesel at Wrestlemania, and Bulldog is #2. Bulldog controls to start, pressing Shawn over his head, and not throwing him onto the floor. Didn't he learn from those years of not actually winning the damn thing that he should use every clear opportunity to take people out? Meh. Speaking of "meh", Eli Blu is #3, and the Dumpster is #4, then Del Ray is #5. Seone is #6, and he uses better psychology than Bulldog by actually attempting to eliminate Shawn with the Gorilla Press. If the frickin' Barbarian uses better psychology than you, then something ain't right. Del Ray is gone after a Bulldog clothesline as Tom Pritchard arrives at #7. Doink, with a pretty decent pop, is number eight. Kwang is #9 as the Wrestlecrap meter explodes. Rick Martel comes in at #10, as Kwang teases an elimination of Shawn.
Owen Hart is next, but Bret comes out and pounds him for costing him the title, as the crowd goes nuts. Good way for Owen to get his. Just as Bret is finished, Timothy Wells bumps up the star power at #12. Man, these intervals are way too quick, as it's impossible to build to anything big in the first part. Owen finally makes it to the ring, and is very quickly ousted by Bulldog. This triggers a rapid-fire series of eliminations, as Drose, Doink, Martel, Wells, Kwang, Seone, Eli, and Pritchard are removed in very short order, as Bushwhacker Luke comes in at unlucky #13. How much more unlucky could this guy get, considering he held the record for the quickest elimination. Luke goes in short order, as the other Harris boy, Jakob Blu, comes in and is not long for the Rumble, as he is shown the door, leaving it down to Bulldog and Shawn. King Kong Bundy is #15, as Shawn seems to be really building some good face heat. Mo is in and out at #16, possibly breaking Luke's record. Mabel is next, at #17, as him and Bundy have the standard fatass showdown, with Mabel winning that battle, surprisingly, considering Bundy was a pretty heavy favorite. Bushwhacker Butch is in, and, like his cousin, not long for the match, quickly eschewed by Shawn. Luger is in at #19, as the crowd pops fairly big. He'd be in the opening tag match against the Blus at Wrestlemania only 2 months later. He powers out Barney the Fat Purple No-Drawing Dinosaur. Mantaur comes in next, as the newly repaired Wrestlecrap meter explodes again.
Justin Alousygimmick, or Aldo Montoya, is #21, and the match is kinda in a lull, with Henry Godwinn, Billy Gunn (with mullet and porn moustache), and Bart Gunn entering, successively. Mr. Bob Backlund (VOTE BACKLUND IN 2004) perks things up at #25, but is ambushed by Hitman, and Backlund is eliminated by Luger shortly after. Crowd loved that, too. The other half of Well Dunn, Steven Dunn (I know you've been on the edge of your seat waiting for him ever since Timothy Wells left his mark in the Rumble), is #26. The late Dick Murdoch is #27, and does very well for himself. Adam Bomb is #28, and Fatu is #29. Mantaur is eliminated by Luger, as Crush is in at #30, dumping both Gunns simultaneously. Steven Dunn is done (wink, wink, nudge, nudge, GET IT?!?!). Luger saves Shawn on a couple of occasions, as Crush eliminated future Kroni>| partner Adam Bomb via backdrop. A pretty funny spot between Murdoch and Fatu happens, when Murdoch crawls on his hands and knees to eliminate Fatu by ramming his head into him. Fatu meets him head on, and Murdoch sells it. Aldo Credible is sent back to Portugal, as Crush rids us of Fatu. This kinda reminds me of the time I went to a house show in November 2002. During the Justin Credible vs. Batista match, I yelled out "GO BACK TO PORTUGAL!" to Justin, and he looked right at me. This is very pointless, BTW. Murdoch and Godwinn soon are gone, leaving Crush, Lex, Shawn, and Bulldog, who were the four most likely suspects outside of Owen and Backlund. Lex, being the All-American Airhead that he is, climbs the turnbuckle for a ten-punch spot on Crush, and Shawn and Crush dump him. Crush and Shawn team up, but Crush turns on Shawn, and tries to press him out. Shawn escapes, and Bulldog takes out Crush. This leaves #1 and #2. Bulldog has his way with Shawn, and eliminates him. Bulldog's music plays as he celebrates...BUT WAIT!!!! Shawn sneaks in and takes out Bulldog. Replays showed that HBK did actually hit only one foot on the floor. Pretty nifty, and cool ending to a flawed, yet quite good, Rumble. ***1/2
Verdict: If you're turned off because of the 60 second intervals, you are really doing yourself a disservice by missing a still-decent Rumble and a great undercard, with the exception of IRS vs. Undertaker. Thumbs up for a great undercard and solid Rumble.
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