WWF Capital Carnage

It's a cold December night in 1998, and the WWF has come to the London Arena for Capital Carnage. We're shown a video package to build up tonight's Fatal Four Way main event, and then Jr and the King welcome us to the show.

Al Snow vs Gangrel
A large "We Want Head" chant fills the arena, as our opening contest gets underway. A nice spot of counter wrestling by both men in the early going, is followed up by Al almost botching a leapfrog, with his crotch gently catching Gangrel in the face. After some trapped headbutts, Al takes control of the match, although he does appear to be a bit sloppy with some of his moves. Gangrel soon takes the advantage back, hitting his DDT for a 2 count, before going to work on the former Leif Cassidy. Al attempts a comeback briefly, before we see some more good counter work, as one German Suplex attempt is reversed into another, which is reversed into an attempted DDT, which is then reversed in a Northern Lights suplex by Al, which connects for a two count. At this point, Edge and Christian show up at ringside, to some pretty major heel heat from the crowd, which is unusual for reasons that will be explained later. Al goes for a second rope moonsault, which misses, and then ends up the victim of a trapping belly to belly from Gangrel. As Gangrel goes for a superplex, Al manages to turn it into a tornado DDT, which causes Christian to get up on the apron. As the ref goes to stop Christian, Al grabs Head and clocks Gangrel with it, only to fall victim to a rather sloppy-looking missile dropkick from Edge. Gangrel covers and gets the 3 count. A fairly good opener, worthy of **.

We cut to the Boiler Room, where Mankind cuts a promo about the main event of the evening. Thanks Mick, your input is appreciated.

LOD 2000 vs Headbangers
Droz and Animal will be your LOD for the evening. We're shown footage of Hawk's "suicide" attempt on Raw, before the Headbangers, who have recently turned heel, make their way to the ring. Of course, the fact that they've turned heel doesn't seem to stop the crowd from cheering them and booing LOD. The match begins with Arm Wrench counters, followed by a monkey flip and a couple of dropkicks from Droz. At this point, a "We Want Hawk" chant kicks in. Droz ignores this and continues to attack, to some pretty heavy heel heat. Things turn around though, as a blind tag from the Headbangers sees them get on the offensive. After a bit of sloppy double teaming, Animal ends up getting the tag in, and goes after the Bangers. It seems the crowd aren't too keen on him either. Soon enough, with both guys down and the ref distracted, Droz comes in and shoves Animal out of the ring, attempting a switcheroo. However, he then gets rolled up from behind and pinned for the three. A VERY short match, with barely any action. Gets * for the nice finish though. After match, Animal gets on Droz's case, and then attacks him to the delight of the crowd. The refs come out to seperate them.

Michael Cole meets the Undertaker and Paul Bearer in a hallway and interviews them. Taker cuts a pretty good promo, better than the "learning tree" and "this is my yard" crap that he would eventually resort to.

Val Venis vs Goldust
Val comes down and cuts a standard Val 'nob joke' promo. We're then shown footage of Terri Runnell's recent behaviour, getting dumped by Val, shunned by Goldust, and then kicking Val in the crotch. Goldust makes his grand entrance, and then the two get down to some early brawling. This spills to the outside, before coming back in again, as Goldust takes control. Val gets a small amount of offense in, only to fall victim to a nicely executed slingshot back suplex from Goldust. While all this is going on, JR and King are talking about Terri's phantom pregnancy, and King makes the rather humourous claim that he "once tricked a girl into marrying him by telling her she was pregnant". Nice to see the King back in his glory days. Anyway, Val gets back in charge briefly, only to fall victim to another Goldust move, this time the classic bulldog, which brought him so many victories during his "Natural" days. However, putting on make-up and a gold catsuit obviously makes this move weaker, so it only gets a 2-count. A series of attempted falls follow, as Val hits a spinebuster for 2, Goldy rolls through on a crossbody for 2, and then Venis hits a fisherman's suplex for, you've guessed it, a 2 count. After an atomic drop and an irish whip, both guys clash heads, leading to Val going down and Dust bouncing into the ropes, before falling head first into the Big Valbowski. After recovering, Goldust sets Val up for the Shattered Dreams, only for Earl Hebner to step in the way at the last minute. As Dust argues with Hebner about this, Val rolls him up and hooks the tights for a three count. This is another ** worthy match. After the match, Goldust attacks Val, hitting him with the move that would eventually become known as the Edge-O-Matic, before finally getting the Shattered Dreams in to a huge pop.

We're shown footage of Vince McMahon giving a lecture at the Oxford Union, following which, Shane O Mac, the Stooges, and Vinny Mac show up on the ramp way. Of course, there's no music for them, as NCIH does not exist at this point.

Patterson announces that "Da Rock" will not be wrestling "Hunter Hearst Hemsley", because "Hunter Hearst Hemsley" will instead be facing Jeff Jarrett. "Da Rock" will instead face X-Pac.

Brisco then gets the mic, saying that they have a surprise planned for Vinnie Jones, who will be a special guest enforcer tonight. Shane O Mac is next on the stick, talking about the previous night's interview with George Michael on British television, and insinuating that Michael and Vinnie Jones are gay lovers. Anything for cheap heat, huh Shane?

The mic is finally passed to Vince, who rips into England, and suggests that all British people want to be American. They eventually leave, and you're left thinking that they really could have had another match in place of this promo.

Edge vs Tiger Ali Singh
I may be the only person to think this, but I swear to God that Tiger Ali Singh looks like Kathy Najimy with a beard. Bit of food for thought there. Anyway, Olive, sorry Tiger, cuts a promo dedicating the match to his Indian forefathers who suffered under the oppression of the British Empire. Hey everyone, get down to the London arena for the lowest ever prices on heel heat!
Tiger ends his promo by saying he will rule his opponent. He then proceeds to rip off his skin to reveal that he's really Jimmy King, before giving Edge the Crown and pinning him.
Ahem.
Getting back to reality, Edge makes his way to ringside to a big pop from the fans. The same fans that were booing him less than an hour ago. Never mind though, we'll let that one go for now. Edge starts off with an arm drag into an armbar, which Tiger breaks up with a spot of brawling. However, Edge then regains the advantage with another armdrag, into another armbar. Edge continues to dominate, with a back body drop and a couple of dropkicks, as Tiger bails to the outside. Edge brings him back in, and then crotches Tiger. Singh begs off, before hitting a thumb to the eye, but this does little damage, as Edge continues to attack. Edge goes to the top rope and hits a much better missile dropkick than he did earlier, getting a 2 count for his troubles, broken only by Tiger getting his foot on the rope. Edge goes back up top again, and attempts a crossbody, which Tiger reverses into a powerslam. Cover gets 1....2...Tiger puts his feet on the ropes for extra leverage, as the ref's hand goes down for 3. Tiger Ali Singh is your winner, despite only hitting one real offensive move. It's worth * 1/2, but could have been better if allowed to go longer. Plus the finish made Edge look crap. Tiger tries to attack after the belt, but Edge chucks him out of the ring.

Michael Cole brings Vinnie Jones out for an in-ring interview. Jones then proceeds to cut the most horrible, blatantly scripted promo seen in the history of Mankind. Seriously, he makes Davey Boy Smith sound like the Rock.

Let me just rant here, Vinnie Jones is a SHIT actor, and while it's fine that a mate of his gave a chance in one of his movies, what the fuck were the Hollywood directors who cast him in films like Swordfish and Gone in 60 Seconds thinking? Fair enough he barely speaks in either of them, but when he does, he sounds horrible. Anyway, rant over, review continues.

Sable & Christian vs Jacqueline & Marc Mero
This is Marc Mero's last match for the WWF, taking place just 6 days after he said he would leave if lost to Duane Gill on Raw, which he did. We're also shown footage of Mero dumping Jacqueline shortly before that loss.
Mero comes out first, followed by Jacqui, who shoves him down and attacks him. While the ref tries to break them up, Christian makes his way down to ringside, followed by Sable, who gets a rather big pop. Sable looks kinda different here. I'm guessing that this is the lesser known 4th Sable, who was scheduled to be the 7th Big Red Machine, during the thankfully abandoned "Kane forgets he was burned as a child and decides to get breast implants" storyline.
The truth of the matter is that Sable appears to be wearing a lot more eye make-up than usual. Not as much fun, but there you go. Anyways, Mero and Christian get the match going, with Christian getting the early advantage. Mero tags in Jacqui, who is willing to fight Christian, but runs away when he tags in Sable.
Mero is tagged straight back in, and he's more than happy to fight Sable. He hikes up his shorts and struts around the ring, only for Christian to sneak in and pull them down to his ankles, exposing Mero's shiny red pants. Sable then attacks Mero, but Christian holds her back.
Christian uses some brawling tactics on Mero, followed by a spot of double teaming with Sable. Mero attempts to tag out, but Jacqui isn't interested, leaving her partner to continue fighting Christian. The then-Brood member stays in charge, hitting a nice cross body from the top. It surely would have got three, but Jacqui comes in to break it up. Sable goes after her, but Tim White holds her back, to huge heel heat from the crowd. As Mero takes control, he hits a Samoan Drop on Christian and goes up top, only to get crotched. Christian then hits a manhattan drop, a decent spinning heel kick, and a diving reverse DDT in succession, before tagging in Sable. She low blows Mero, and then gives him the Sable Bomb. Mero finally tags in Jacqui, and then proceeds to walk out on the match. Well, now that they've finished burying him, he might as well go home, right? Nope, Christian attacks him on the ramp. Back in the ring, Sable has Jacqui up for a TKO, which she executes for the 3 count. Worth * 1/2, but wasn't really long enough to be worth anymore. Could have been worse if there had been more Sable involement though.
Angry at her loss, Jacqueline attacks referee Tim White, who ends up lifting her up on his shoulders. Sable grabs Jacqui's shirt from behind, giving it a quick yank, which causes it to be ripped off entirely, completely exposing Jacqueline's breasts on camera for a good few seconds. There's 2 stars for you right there.
Jacqui hits a Victory roll (or should that be Tit-tory roll) on White in order to protect her modesty, before covering up and running away. The whole incident is worth a "Good Lord of Mercy" from JR, and a number of screeches from JR. No mention of puppies though, mainly because such a reference didn't exist in the WWF world at this time.

We're now shown Kane, who's mentally preparing himself backstage. Either that, or he's desperate trying to plan his speech for his inevitable election as Chairman of the Comittee for Continuity Errors.

Ken Shamrock vs Steve Blackman - WWF Intercontinental Championship
Ken Shamrock is accompanied to the ring by the Big Boss Man, who gets his first, but not last, "You Fat Bastard" chant of the night. Blackman comes down, as Shamrock attacks immediately. The two begin with a series of elbows, kicks and reversals, before Shamrock eventually gets the early advantage. Blackman, however, ends up experiencing an adrenaline rush, only to get downed with a leg clothesline from Shamrock. The champ puts on a front face lock, which is fought out of by Blackman, but Shamrock soon puts him back down again. Before long, Blackman is mounting another comeback, which sees him hit a Randy Savage style guillotine on Shamrock, followed up by a spinebuster, which gets a 2-count. Soon after, Shamrock gets a 2-count of his own, following a fisherman's suplex, only to be thrown out of the ring by Blackman. The challenger then makes the mistake of baseball sliding the Boss Man. He returns to the ring to hit a back breaker on Shamrock, but when he runs into the ropes again, the Boss Man clocks him in the ankle with the nightstick. Shamrock wastes no time in applying the Ankle Lock, which causes Blackman to tap out. It's interesting to see how different Shamrock's Ankle Lock is from Angle's. Another ** match here.

After the match, the Boss Man attacks Blackman. The ref tries to stop him, but Boss Man can clearly be heard saying "Fuck you, man".

We cut to a promo with the Rock, who rips on X-Pac, calling him a boney jabroni. He then debuts the "accidental" use of Hogan, Austin, Flair and Bret's catchphrases, before giving us what we came to hear, "if ya smellllll, what the Rock is cookin'". As an extra special treat, we even get to see the Corporate Eyebrow!

Jeff Jarrett vs Triple H
Now this should be a decent match. Jeff Jarrett comes out with Debra, who has big hair. And I mean really big hair. It's like something out of the 80's. Again, the time period of this event means that the term 'puppies' is not used once. Triple H makes his way to ringside with Chyna to a loud pop from the fans.
The match begins with a series of arm wrenchs, head locks and takedowns. Trips hits a spinebuster for two, and then returns to the headlock. Jarrett fights back with a back elbow, and then a guillotine, after breifly going outside. Jeff goes up top for a crossbody, but Triple H rolls through with it for a 2 count. Not allowing this to rattle him, Jarrett puts HHH down with a single arm DDT. He then distracts the referee, while Debra starts choking the DX leader. A swinging neckbreaker from Jarrett gets 2, and then Debra starts to choke Helmsley again. Chyna takes exception to this and goes after Debra. In the ring, Jarrett puts Triple H in a sleeper, which leads to the classic "arm drops twice, but not thrice" spot. Trips elbows his way out, only to get caught in another sleeper, which he reverses into a back suplex. Both guys go down, but they're up at 8. They trade punches, miss clotheslines, and then Hunter hits the high knee on Jarrett. A manhattan drop sends Double J reeling into the corner, where Hunter goes up and hits the 10 punch spot. Only it's more like 20 or so punches. Hunter attempts the Pedigree, but it's reversed into a slingshot. Hunter grabs the ropes before he can connect with the turnbuckle though. Jarrett turns his back, saying how smart he is. Hunter comes from behind, but Jarrett ducks his punch, and then whips him into the ropes. However, he leaves his head down, which causes Helmlsey to introduce it to his knee. He then clotheslines Jeff over the top. Debra now gets up on the apron, but Chyna goes after her. Tim White stops Chyna, thus allowing Debra into the ring, where she continues to flirt with Hunter, while Jarrett sneaks in with a chair. The distraction appears to be working, until Trips tells Debra to suck it. She attempts a slap, which Tim White blocks. Chyna then sneaks in to steal the chair before Jarrett can hit Hunter with it. Helmlsey then spins Jeff around, hits the Pedigree, and get a 3 count.
A rather decent *** contest. But of course, we have to remember that Helmsley only won because he would be dating Stephanie in around a year and a half's time. These two (Jarrett and HHH) could have had a fantastic feud, given the opportunity.

Michael Cole is now with Austin, who talks about whipping asses for a short period of time. Lovely.

We're now shown footage of D-Lo Brown going around London, suggesting that Big Ben is going to be renamed Big D, and claiming that he forgot to bring his key to Buckingham Palace with him.

New Age Outlaws vs D-Lo Brown & Mark Henry - WWF Tag Team Championship (of the Wooooooooorld)
Before the match gets underway, we're shown footage of Mark Henry's date with Chyna. Mark really does like manly men, what with Chyna, Sammy and Johnny-Mae Young. Anyways, the Outlaws come out and do their thing. It's a lot fresher here though, so it gets a decent pop. After a little early brawling, Road Dogg gets the Shake, Rattle and Knee Drop, before Billy comes in and powers down D-Lo. D-Lo attempts to walk out, but eventually comes back and tags in Mark Henry. He goes for a test of strength with Billy, who uses a kick to the gut to bring him down. An irish whip leads to a bear hug from Mark Henry. Again, the arm dropping spot is used, before Billy can break out. A flying forearm staggers Mark Henry, and a double dropkick from Billy and the Dogg takes him down. They then hit a double hiptoss on D-Lo. Road Dogg and Mark Henry lock up now, as the World's Strongest Man powers down the Dogg. D-Lo tags in, and the "D-Lo sucks" chant begins. He hits a slam and a leg drop, followed by a big clothesline. Road Dogg attempts a brief comeback, only to get hit with the Sky High.
Mark Henry is back in, and he hits a big splash and a leg drop on Road Dogg. These appear to have legimately injured him. Billy breaks the cover at two, and then drags Road Dogg over to his corner, so that he can tag in. Clearly, the Dogg was too badly hurt to even do the 'hot tag' spot. Billy cleans house briefly, only to end up getting powerslammed. D-Lo hits an elbow drop, and then irish whips Billy. The Ass Man ducks under a clothesline, and then hits the Fame-Asser.
Both guys are down, but they get up at 8. Billy rolls up D-Lo for a 2 count, which Henry breaks up. As he's taken out of the ring, Billy hits a rather dangerous looking piledriver on D-Lo, which gets the 3 count. Worth another ** rating. Road Dogg is still looking hurt, although he's up now.

Part 2

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