WWF Unforgiven 1999
Okay, couple of things before I start. First, I realise there has already been a review of this show posted, but I didn't find that out until after I'd done all my notes, so they're not going to waste DAMN IT! Secondly, as this is my first review, I'm wondering if I've been a bit over-critical of certain matches, so any feedback is welcome.
Anyways, without further ado, Magic the Gathering trading cards present WWF Unforgiven!
As JR and the King welcome us to the show, we're shown footage of the striking referees outside the arena. Teddy Long is carrying a sign that says "123 ain't for me". Unfortunately, the camera cuts back to ringside before we can discover if it says "B'lee dat playa" on the other side.
Val Venis vs. Steve Blackman
And so we come to our opening contest, being refereed by the Brooklyn Scab, Steve Lombardi. Before Val's entrance, he returns to the back to reveal that he has Steve Blackman's bag of tricks. He then cuts a classic 'blow job' promo. Blackman comes out to pretty much no reaction, and the match gets started. There wasn't really much to this match at all, though both guys put in a good effort. Val eventually gets the win with a Money Shot. All in all, I rated this one as a ** affair.
After the match is over, things start to pick up. Blackman knocks Val out cold with the Kendo Stick, and out come the EMTs. Unless I'm very much mistaken, this is the debut of Hooty McBoob, also known in some circles as BB. Seriously, anyone who looked at her tits and didn't think "that girl's not a real EMT", is a moron, or has the first name JOE. Anyways, after Blackman bad mouths Chesty LaRue, security chief Jim Dodson (whatever happened to him?) takes the Lethal Weapon down. Dunno if anything ever came of this mini-feud though.
One thing I that did find interesting during the match was JR and King talking about a situation on Raw, where Blackman discovered a dildo in his bag of tricks, which Val had placed in there. Now, not one did they mention the name of the object, they merely alluded to it. If it happened on Raw nowadays, we'd have to put up with King yelling "Dildo! Dildo! Dildo!" every five minutes.
We cut to Michael Cole, who's with a long haired Big Show. He reminds of the learning tree crap that made the Undertaker so boring in mid-99. He also calls Cole a monkey. Oh Show, you little scamp!
Up next is Mark Henry vs D-Lo Brown, which should be a five star classic. A video re-cap of the feud is shown, followed by Lillian Garcia interviewing Mark. He whispers something suggestive to her and gets a slap for his trouble.
Mark Henry vs. D-Lo Brown (European Championship)
Once out at ringside, Mark decides to cut a promo (2 Mark Henry promos in one night? How fucking lucky are we?). Anyways, he tries to back out the match, claiming a "brainuerism". If only Head Scab Tom Pritchard had believed him.
What follows is a whole hell of a lot of uninspired brawling from Mark Henry, coupled with a few power moves, and a spot of sloppiness. Perhaps Henry's most impressive achievement was his Boss Man attack, where he went straight through the ropes. Pretty cool for a guy his size.
I'll give props to D-Lo for this match, as he hit a Sky High, Hurricanrana and Power Bomb on Henry at different points during the match. After the power bomb, D-Lo goes up top and hits the Lo Down for the three count, to become the new European Champion. Nasty match, but gets * for a few decent and surprising spots from D-Lo
A WWF.com promo airs, featuring a man getting an enema. Lovely.
Following this, we cut to an Acolytes promo. No beer and no cigars make Bradshaw and Faarooq dull boys. They say they're going to send the Dudleys back to ECW. The promo is interrupted by a bunch of midcarders beating up Chaz. Come on guys, the Headbangers weren't that bad.
And now, it's time for...another promo! Now Debra and Miss Kitty (looking very 80's in her style, still very much fuckable, especially as we didn't know who's royal cock she was sucking at this time) talk about Smackdown, only to be interupted by Jeff Jarrett.
Jeff Jarrett vs Chyna (Intercontinental Championship)
Dr. Scab, Harvey Whippleman is in the stripes for this one. Before the match, we're shown footage of Smackdown, where Chyna tried to get into Jarrett's pants. Literally. The match gets going with Jarrett taking command. In an intriguing spot, Chyna sells a crotch spot on the ringpost. Got something down there to protect eh, Joanie?
Jarrett continues to control the match, as we see the Fabulous Moolah and Johnny-Mae Young in the crowd. Could it really be true that they've plaguing our screens for 4 years now?
After a few more power based moves, and sleeper spots, the action spills to the outside, where we get our first chair shot of the night. Jarrett also gets backdropped onto, but not through, the Spanish announce table. Eventually, they get back into the ring, where an attempted pedigree is reversed into a slingshot and ref bump.
Jeff goes for the guitar, only to get attacked by Moolah and Mae. They hit a poor suplex on the champ, before he ends up getting them back with a double clothesline. Lawler loves this, while JR tells us that Double J is "lower than whale manure". Soon enough, Debra shows up and clocks Jeff with the guitar, leaving him out cold. Chyna covers, as a groggy Harvey counts to 3! We have a new Intercontinental Champion!
Only we don't. Tom Pritchard returns, and shows the footage of Debra's interference. Harvey reverse the decision, and Jarrett wins by DQ. This gets * 1/2, mainly because Jarrett did his part, and kept the title. He might have kept it even longer if it wasn't for Stone Cold's arrogant attitude towards him.
After the match, Chyna gives Pritchard a pedigree.
An Austin interview from Heat is shown. Wasting 30 seconds of my life and everybody elses. Don't get me wrong, I do like Austin, but he said one line in this interview, so why repeat it?
The Dudley Boys vs The Acolytes
The only real referee to cross the picket line, Jimmy Korderas makes his first, but certainly not last appearence of the night.
The Dudleys arrive first, with no D-Bombs and their old ECW attire. Bubba cuts a promo, calling the people in the town a bunch of motherfuckers, pussies and queers. Okay, he doesn't actually, but wouldn't it have been so much better if he had? Anyway, in relating he cuts a stuttering promo, to which nobody reacts.
After a short period of uninspired brawling, Stevie Richards shows up, dressed as an Acolyte and puts down D-Von with the Stevie Kick. Acolytes get the win, and proceed to beat up Stevie afterwards, before thanking him for the assist. This gets *.
We cut backstage, where Luna is warming up, only to get jumped from behind by Ivory.
Ivory vs Luna (Women's Championship - Hardcore Rules)
Harvey's reffing this one. Luna attempts the devestating "Head Photocopying of DOOM" attack on Ivory, which she sells, bless her heart, as the most painful move ever, despite the fact that the copier is clearly not even switched on. What follows is a bunch of crappy weapon shots and other 'hardcore' moves, which Ivory sells but Luna doesn't. Tori shows up as well, dressed as a lower class whore, and proceeds to have the crap kicked out of her too. Eventually, Luna is taken out by a poll shot, which she actually does sell, and Ivory picks up the win. This was a DUD. But worth seeing for Ivory's attempt to pin Luna while she was lying sideways on the ground.
Mae and Moolah are interviewed by Lillian. Ivory shows up, and they beat her down. Say what you want about Russo, but he gave you the feuds that everybody wanted to see.
New Age Outlaws vs Edge & Christian (Tag Team Championship)
Jimmy K is in town again, and as are the New Age Outlaws. And they like to kick that shiznit Doggy Style. So basically Road Dogg, what you're saying is, you and Billy like to fuck one another in the ass. And as Billy reminds us, they also like to Suck It.
E & C come from the crowd, long before they were too famous to continue doing so. The match gets started with a few counters, reversals and hiptosses, before Christian gets a couple of nice dropkicks in. In the early going, the Outlaws appear to be playing the heels, which makes sense, seeing as their heel turn was only around a month away. However, as the match progressed further, it was E & C who gradually took on the bad guy tactics, isolating the Road Dogg from Mr Ass.
Road Dogg tries to come back, leading to a mid-air collision between him and "Christopher" (JR miscall #4379B), he attempts to make the tag, only to be further double-teamed by the future reekers of awesomeness, who start to get a few boos from the crowd. Soon enough though, the Dogg makes the hot tag to Billy, who comes in and cleans house.
Billy goes for the Jackhammer, which is countered, as is an attempted Dogg Pound from Jesse James. Edge hits the spear on the Dogg, but Christian is distracted and attacked by Gangrel and Matt Hardy, who have appeared out of nowhere. With Harvey distracted by this, Edge falls victim to a missile dropkick from Botch Gracie. Billy then hits the Fame-Asser for the 3 count, and the win. I gave this ** intially, but I think I may have been a little harsh. Probably needs a re-watch at some point.
We're shown a brief re-cap of the British Bulldog's heel turn, followed by an interview with him and Triple H. These two appear to be in collusion for tonight's 6-Pack Challenge.
And now we have an interview with the Boss Man. Who fluffs his lines. This is then followedup by an interview with a very angry Al Snow.
Al Snow vs Big Boss Man (Hardcore Championship - Kennel From Hell)
Al Snow wins. Dogs piss. Dogs shag. That's all you need to know. Oh that, and the dog's introduction gets a bigger reaction than the entire Dudleys/Acolytes match. This takes up 16 fucking minutes of a Pay Per View, of which half is stalling, because a) the crew couldn't get the cage up, and b) because the Boss Man wasn't able to get in the cage. It's a DUD, and that's being nice to it. See the version with Mick Foley on commentary if you wish to enjoy this match.
And speaking of Foley, he's up next in an interview. And he's having a spot of fun. Not as much fun as he'd have the next night on Raw though!
JR and King now inform us of this month's free gift. Send in your cable or satellite bill, and you'll get WWF The Music - Volume 2 on CD!
Chris Jericho vs X-Pac
Tom Pritchard is back to ref the match. Jericho comes out with Curtis Hughes, and the cage is still not down from the previous match. Jericho looks and sounds incredibly young, as he cuts a promo on Ken Scamrock. X-Pac then comes out to a nice pop, as JR reminds us what a big heart is has. Well, that's drug abuse for you.
Y2J takes the early advantage, only to end up in position for a Bronco Buster. Jericho gets way, but Pac doesn't get crotched. Soon after, both the X-Factor and Walls of Jericho are blocked, before Pac hits a decent looking springboard splash to the outside. The replay makes it look worse though. The crowd, at this point, really aren't interested in the match, and appear to have their mind on something else. I believe women may be getting their tits out.
Jericho attempts to wear down X-Pac, before hitting a Lionsault, which gets 2. Soon enough, an "X-Pac sucks" chant begins, causing JR to lie through his teeth, as he says that the fans are chanting 'for' X-Pac.
Jericho hits a pretty sweet springboard dropkick to the outside on Pac, while the ever coherent crowd start to chant something that sounds like "Eat More Beaver". Jericho remains in control for a bit, before X-Pac starts to hulk up, and attacks Mr. Hughes. He launches a comeback, only to get crotched on a Bronco Buster. Jericho then hits a senton, and an underhook backbreaker.
The two trade moves briefly, before Pac puts Jericho in a Tree of Woe position, and then hits the Bronco Buster on him, while he's held upside down. Whole lot of gay innuendo going on here tonight. Before anything else can happen though, Hughes comes in and decks the ref, leading to the DQ. Road Dogg then comes out to make the save. This was worthy of ***, and may have had more if it weren't for the poor ending.
Strange to see though, that both the Dudleys and Jericho lost their in-ring PPV debuts.
A recap video plays, leading us into the main event of the evening.
6 Pack Challenge
HHH vs Rock vs Kane vs Mankind vs Big Show vs British Bulldog (WWF Championship)
Jimmy Korderas is your referee, with special enforcer Stone Cold Steve Austin.
Not much to note about the entrances, other than Bulldog's music sucks and should not be changed, Chyna is announced with HHH, but doesn't show up, Hunter is not wearing Scott Steiner's headgear on his chest, and Rock debuts the "If ya smell" music. Intriguing to note that there are "Rocky" chants long before he even comes out. Austin gets a huge pop, and goes to sit with JR and King at the announce table.
Bulldog and Rock start out, but we soon see Triple H, Kane, and Mankind in before long. Show and Kane then get it on, with some brawling and wear down holds - a good idea to get this out of the way early. Kane attempts to take down the Big Show to no avail. Soon afterwards, the Big Red Machine is hitting an Enziguri and a Dropkick. It'd be nice to see some of those from him these days.
Before long, the Bulldog comes in, only to get superkicked down by the Show. The Bulldog then takes in Mankind, but Korderas screws up and forces the Show to leave the ring. Or did he actually make the right decision? Desperate to get out, the Bulldog tags the Rock, only for Rocky to start attacking him instead. Davey regains the advantage with a low blow, and the classic stalling suplex. The only move seen similar to that these days is Goldberg's jackhammer. Someone should bring back the stalling suplex. DO IT NOW!
The Dog then tags in Mick, who refuses to fight his good buddy Rock. He tags straight back out of the match. Nice bit of booking there.
It's not long before Hunter and Mankind are in the ring together, which is where business starts to pick up. They fight to the outside, leading to Mick getting suplexed on the floor. The other four guys come over to join the fight in the aisleway, leading to a six man brawl. Mick and HHH make it back to ring area, where Foley hits Triple H with the stairs, and then piledrives him onto them. Again, something you wouldn't see today.
When the action eventually returns to the ring, it's the Bulldog and Rock going at it, before a spot of Rock and Sock double-teaming. Rocky eventually tags in the Show, telling him to chokeslam Bulldog, but he tags in Kane before he can have the chance. Thankfully, the pace doesn't get a chance to slow down, as the striking refs make their way out to ringside.
Back in the ring, Mick's in, and getting beaten down by the show, who auditions for a spot in the FBI. He hits his big elbow on Mankind, and only gets a 2, after the Rock breaks the count. He then comes in and knocks down the big man, getting a 2 of his own, broken up by Hunter. Rock and Helmsley go to the outside, as the crowd go wild. They brawl out here, and then Rock steals one of Austin's beers.
Kane and Mick continue the fight in the ring, with Foley getting tombstoned. Show comes in off a blind tag however, and attempts to chokeslam Mick, only to be hit by Kane's patented 'flying jump into standing clothesline'. Kane then falls victim to the Powerslam from Bulldog, who receives a Pedigree for his troubles. Rock then throws HHH out of the ring, only to be attacked from behind by Foley, who hits a Double Arm DDT, and then brings out Socko. Brilliant booking there, having Mick stay away from Rock all match, before finally attacking him.
Rock reverses the Claw into a Rock Bottom, but the pin is broken by Hunter. Show then comes in and executes the Showstopper. He covers, but Jimmy K is pulled out by the striking refs. They attack Jimmy, only to have their asses whipped by Stone Cold. See, he's been holding back Theodore Long for years now! Even Earl Hebner takes a shot from the Rattlesnake!
Back in the ring, Bulldog hits the Rock with a chair, leading him to be set-up for a pedigree. Bulldog then tries to hit Hunter with the chair, but Austin takes it away from him. He nails the Dog, while Helmsley successfully executes the Pedigree. He covers, Austin counts the 3, and Triple H is a 2-time WWF Championship. Yes, that's right. The fans seem pissed off by this, and considering how hot they were for The Rock, you can't blame them. Still, Triple H then gets stunned, so they can go home happy. Definitely worthy of ****, this one, but occasional slow moments dropped the rating. Plus, considering the reaction to the Rock, they really should have let him take this one.
Overall, an average show, with two rather good matches, two horrible ones, and a whole bunch or poor-to-average bouts in the middle. Worth seeing for the 6-Pack Challenge though.
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