WWE Survivor Series 2003
Heat - Jamie Noble vs Tajiri - Cruiserweight Title.
Fuck you WWE, fuck you, raping two of the most talented guys on the roster from putting on MOTN just to squeeze some cheap heat segment with an NBA coach on your PPV is pure Grade A bullshit. Well...that aside, on with the review. Noble comes out to a pretty good pop which surprised me since this build up seemed a little slapped together. Tajiri follows and goes to work early on Noble with the kicks, spitting out some weird ass high pitched screams as he does it, Noble takes over for a while until Tajiri comes back with the work to the midsection which didn't really go anywhere except to a abdominal stretch which didn't seem like a worthy pay off. Noble counters with a hip toss and hits his swinging neckbreaker which Tajiri didn't seem quite ready for. Noble hits a powerslam for 2 and then Akio and Sakada interfere...at 3 minutes, that's just way too early. Noble blocks the green mist and TIGERRRRRRRRR DRIVAHHHHHH~! (Tazz pulls a Styles and calls it the Tiger Bomb) NEW CHAMP! NEW CHAMP! 1...2....KICK OUT!. Noble slaps the tarantula on Tajiri as I mark out some more, but then Akio and Sakada come back with the interference to allow Tajiri to pick up the win with the Buzzsaw kick. Good stuff for what it was, but it was never long enough to be anything. Putting this on Heat was pure criminality. *3/4
Team Angle vs Team Lesnar - Classic Survivor Series Match
This is on first? Ok...Holly comes out the blocks early on Lesnar slapping him about outside and throwing him to the steps but then gets disqualified for tickling the ref...ok so maybe he pushed him but still that's pretty god damn lame, I can only assume that Holly isn't cleared to wrestle yet but they could have at least had him beat the snot out of Lesnar with a chair to get DQ'ed, that way at least he has an impact on the match. The match starts proper and A Train and Bradshaw get put out early, what the fuck is going on here? In retrospect this was pretty sweet booking as you're now left with three people on Angle's team who can GO, against the full might of the 4 hosses furthering the underdog story, but still...couldn't we have got rid of Jones early instead of Train? Cena comes in with Show and teases the F-U, can't get him up though. Brock comes in and goes to work, Cena tries some classic little man tactics, school boys, chopblocks and the like. Team Sasquatch take over on Cena for a while and he of no offence Nathan Jones demonstrates his well...lack of offence. Cena comes back with the Throwback and tags in Benoit to a big ass pop (take that you "casual fans don't like technical wrestling" people). Big Show dominates Benoit for a while, culminating in the Final Cut Legdrop/Hog Log (which pwns by the way). Benoit hits some dropkicks and gets the hot tag to Angle who opens up with the Germans and then we get our first Brock/Angle altercation as Angle pulls a swank reversal of the F5, nailing a German on Lesnar, Morgan walks into the Angle Slam and it's all over for him. Jones gets hit accidentally by Show and Angle slaps on the Ankle lock causing Jones to tap (look at his contribution to the match, it's hilarious) but Angle turns into an F5 from Lesnar. These elimination sprints are insane. I'd think Angle will sell that F5 as a reason to take some time off for neck surgery. So now we're down to Benoit/Cena vs Lesnar/Show. Benoit does a supreme job of screwing over Brock's shoulder in the shortest amount of time possible and slaps on the Crossface three times with Brock tapping to the last (You tapped out! You tapped out!) and we have the set up for the rumoured Benoit/Brock feud. Benoit goes for the Crossface which Show counters into a chokeslam but Cena nails Show with the chain behind the refs back and...HOLY SHIT! F-U ON THE 500 POUNDER!!!11!1!1!1. Cena struggled with it, but he nailed that shit, and we have a winner. Cena is now cemented as a face, the Holly/Lesnar feud is raging on, Benoit/Brock in the works, Angle with an excuse to take time out, crap trimmed early on. Awesome booking all around. Unfortunately certain participants took a lot from the match **3/4
Molly Holly vs Lita - Women's title.
Lita comes out to one of the two Nu Metal bands I can stand, Boyhitscar and she's actually looking pretty hot since her jaw restructure or whatever she had done...I still don't see the deal with Molly. They tie up and go to some basic, but reasonably well done chain work followed by a few quick pins by Lita. Molly reverses a corner headscissors sending Lita flying out the ring to the floor and nails a swinging neckbreaker for 2. The cameraman gets a shot of Molly's cleavage on a Dragon Sleeper...Gamefaqs goes wild. Molly goes in with the Handspring elbow JR gives the Muta love (King: Mu...ta?) Lita fights up and hits a sloppy looking avalanche crossbody and the 10 punches. Molly goes up for 10 punches of her own but Lita walks out with a powerbomb and a Russian leg sweep before going up top and (surprise, surprise) almost killing herself with a moonsault which didn't connect. Molly goes up and nails the Molly Go Round which only gets 2 (BAH GAWD, I DON'T BELIEVE IT KANG!!1!!!!1!) Molly exposes the turnbuckle and then drop toe holds Lita into it for the surprise (at least for me) win. Lita was decent here, nothing botched and only one sloppy looking move and Molly was good as always. Booking again was great here as they continue to push Lita's fiery babyface desire by having her kick out of the MGR whilst keeping the title on the talented worker. Good stuff **
Shane vs Kane - Ambulance Match
Ambulance almost gets nuked by Kane's pyro on his entrance which literally had me holding my breath, that could have ended real badly. With the misparked ambulance and the camera fuck ups in this match someone had better have got fired >_>. So the match starts like it means to go on, like a big pile of shit. Kane almost kills himself taking a bump out the ring before being slapped around on the outside by Shane including some chair shots to the steel steps which were over Kane's face where the crew searched desperately for a camera angle that made it look like it hurt. Shane clears a table and elbow drops Kane through yadda, yadda, yadda, so much for pacing (sorry if my hearts not in this one, but seriously Shane...if you're going to insist on wrestling at least vary you admittedly pretty sweet highspots a bit, I've seen this all before.) Both men get up pretty quickly, which I guess is excusable for Kane and Shane baits Kane backstage and does a little loop around behind taking him out with a Kendo stick with some nice shots before hopping into an SUV and backing it over Kane (BAH GAWD!) Shane calls for an ambulance and as it rolls in the camera pans away from Kane, I was fully expecting him to be gone when the camera came back to him, which would have pushed the monster gimmick, but it was not to be. Instead he comes straight back with a chokeslam into a wall. They make their way back out front and Shane takes control AGAIN. He drops Kane and places a cardboard box between his legs and a trashcan on his face. Shane ascends the ambulance and...BOOM! CANNONBALL SENTON ON A CARDBOARD BOX MAH GAWD!!!!!1!1!!!1!1, ok so it was the Coast to Coast, but he got far more of the box than he did of Kane. They exchange attempts at ending it before Kane rams Shane's head and back repeatedly into the Ambulance followed by the "Safe" Tombstone, which needs immense camera trickery to look even mildly uncomfortable, for the win. Again major issues with a Shane match (big surprise) too much was spent with Shane leading, with Shane in control, with Shane hitting those same two spots he has to hit in every match, with Shane looking like he's a match for the current monster of the WWE, and that's just bullshit. Next to zero wrestling and no blood, but *1/2 for the general brawling and the fact that at least Kane went over Shane and Shane didn't go over himself.
So now Coach comes out to interview some local NBA coach who ends up shoving down Bischoff and getting RKO'd by Orton for some cheap short term pops and heat. The fact that this publicity stunt crap took up 7 minutes of time that could have been used for Noble/Tajiri is again just purely fucking criminal.
Los Guerreros vs The Bashams - SD! Tag Team Titles
Cole hits it right on the head "Lets kick it off with some Smackdown action, where the superstars [and McMahon's >_>] take the spotlight, instead of the announcers." The man is my new hero. The Basham's are sporting some new fetish gear, which is probably a good idea since they seem tacked on to Shaniqua's dominatrix gimmick at the moment. Guerrero's enter and clean house, then go after Shaniqua which allows the Basham's to take control on Chavo but the Guerrero's come back and hit all their trademarks, including Eddie's swank Headscissors/Arm Drag combo. Then (surprise surprise) The Basham's come back with all their trademark offence including the double slingshot suplex. A Really sweet spot follows, where Chavo backflips out of the Avalanche Spinebuster allowing Eddie to hit a top rope Frankensteiner. Action goes back and forth a few more times until Shaniqua interjects and gets Frog Splashed and Spanked for her troubles. The match ends as Chavo accidentally kicks Eddie executing a swinging DDT and gets rolled up. Pretty generic match that was made good by the participants, the format was predictable but the spots were nice and Chavo particularly excelled here. Now they seem to be toying with an Eddie/Chavo feud but this presents a few problems, firstly this isn't really gonna help Eddie go main event, going over the lesser member of your team (no offence to Chavo) is not exactly a big push, secondly after the feud's finished Chavo is heading straight to Velocity, which may well make Velocity the most entertaining WWE show in a long time but is still a shame. **3/4
Team Austin vs Team Bischoff - Austin's Job On The Line
Team Bischoff enters, Orton is pretty funny here trying to sneak a look at Stacy's ass behind Poppy McRoids' back. I wont even bother with any sort of play by play on this match since it would take forever but for the most part, the awesome booking continued. Steiner gets dropped early as does Mizark Henry (although it took 3 guys to pin the worthless bastard), Austin lost Booker as a sacrifice but it's a price I'm willing to pay to get rid of the major dead weight on Bischoff's team. RVD is allowed to hit a few nice little spots including some great little sequences with Jericho to heat the crowd up before getting dropped himself and then things get really interesting. The Dudleyz come in and open up on Team Bisch with some surprisingly varied offence until D-Von gets caught out of nowhere with a spinning neckbreaker drop (I think) from Jericho and we see HBK's first involvement in the match. He goes through some shaky stuff with RKO before getting the hot tag to Bubba who cleans house like the white meat babyface that he is until getting hit with heel Christian's one interesting move for the 3. So now we have HBK vs Christian, Orton and Jericho and a killer story unfolds. Michaels takes a slingshot to the ringpost and does a (visible) bladejob that left him bleeding like an utter beast. Remember his bladejob in HIAC? This is worse. The heels then go to work on Michaels but he catches a surprise SCM on Christian and literally collapses on him for the 3. The remaining two heels then go to work on HBK as he bumps all over Texas for them but just will not stay down, after a good few minutes of abuse he manages to roll up Jericho who then gets pissed off and drills Michaels with a chair, now surely the ref can DQ Orton for that? Anyway, Orton who had taken a bump to the outside crawls in and drapes an arm but Michaels digs deep and kicks out. He tries the SCM on Orton but Bischoff interjects himself causing Austin to blow it and go Stunner crazy on Bischoff and Orton, (which in my book means he's now fired whatever happens...but whatever) Then as Austin and Eric fight up the ramp DAVE SMASH~! Comes through the crowd and well...smashes HBK with his sitdown powerbomb and it's all over. Now I've already seen a lot of criticism levelled towards Shawn for this match and I'm sure I'll see a lot more, but the way I see it, this was beautiful storytelling. Austin came to Michaels as a last hope setting aside all their past differences and Michaels respected this and fought his ass off for Austin, the two guys he pinned were caught out of nowhere and the falls took nothing from their heat and although I would have liked to see Orton win with the RKO Austin losing his job clean is not gonna happen and so we got the annual SvS Screwjob, nothing wrong with that as far as I can see, great story, great match, great booking. ***3/4
Stone Cold comes out for a goodbye promo, which was pretty good for what it was, but I think we all knew what was coming when Coach came out with 4 security guards and I don't think anyone really buys the fact that he's leaving for good. The beer cans in the ring were a nice touch though.
Vincent Kennedy McMahon vs The Undertaker - Buried Alive
Taker enters to what appeared to me to be very little pop, and Vince comes out showing exactly why in small doses he's great fun to watch, praying to the higher power he's been talking about the last few weeks. They get in each other's faces and BOOM! Vince goes down to a right hand from 'Taker and straight off the bat Vince, not to be outdone by Shawn Michaels also bleeds like an utter bitch, I mean he just left pools off that sticky red fluid after him wherever he went. From here Taker just beat the absolute living crap out of McMahon for the entire match including a nasty looking shovel shot to the face. McMahon gets in absolutely zero offence until they get to the gravesite where he scores with a low blow and a shovel shot knocking Taker into the grave. Taker gets back on the offensive and drops McMahon in the pit himself but as he tries to get in the payloader to drop the dirt on McMahon a mammoth explosion goes off blinding Taker and Stephanie McMahon walks out knocking Taker into the pit with her ever expanding chest, okay...so it was Kane and he just pushed him in while McMahon dropped the dirt setting up Deadman/Kane XXXVII but for some reason I like my scenario better. Pretty well done with Taker dominating the entire match, but for that exact reason not very fun to watch, I was expecting the interference to come from Steph but I guess at least this means an end to Shane vs Kane. *1/2 ALL for McMahon's bladejob.
HHH vs Goldberg - World Heavyweight Title
Another great video to hype the match. JR sounds like some random tard from the PW board as he talks about Goldberg's "short physically intense matches". Anyway they start things off trading punches and Goldberg hits a spear as Flair distracts the ref before dropping Naitch on his wobbly ass with a back body drop and throwing him out the ring. The bell rings for the start of the match and Goldberg goes to work on HHH on the outside somehow managing to gorilla press and powerslam HHH with a broken ankle. They go inside and Goldberg goes for another gorilla press this time his ankle gives way and he collapses (better Goldberg) HHH goes to work on the ankle with chopblocks and a one man conchairto with the steps as the other chair. The onslaught on the leg continues until HHH goes to slap on the figure four proclaiming, "this is for you Naitch" however whilst HHH and Flair are making puppy eyes at each other Goldberg manages to counter bumping the ref in the process. HHH takes the opportunity to nail HHH with brass knucks but Goldberg fights out at 3 and a half (nope, that wasn't a typo, he really was late kicking out) so HHH politely drops an elbow on Hebner and goes for the Sledgehammer, Goldberg manages to thwart the attack and takes possession of the Sledgehammer, Flair goes up top but gets dropped (JR: That hasn't worked in 20 years). All members of Evolution rush the ring and feed Goldberg for shots with the hammer before HHH tries a Pedigree which is reversed into a backbody drop followed by the Spear and the Jackhammer for the win. What pisses me off is that people are going to say that Goldberg did a decent sell job on the ankle when really, he forgot about for the whole last period of the match, culminating in running full speed at HHH at holding him up for the Jackhammer, but it was at least competent. ** for the match.
Overall thoughts: One thing really stood out in this PPV and that was the booking, pretty much flawless from start to finish as angles and feuds start falling into place and storylines start to make sense. The Raw 5 vs 5 was match of the night and told an awesome story and the whole thing was pretty enjoyable all around. Pleasantly surprising PPV.
Back to homepage