Wrestlemania XX

The Harlem Boys Choir sing "America The Beautiful" to start things off. As per Wrestlemania tradition, I hit the ol' fast forward button.

We open up with a really nice video package, with a combination of old WM highlights and hype for the show from the current stars, and ending with a shot of Vince, Shane, and Shane's newborn. Really nice touch there

United States Title match: Big Show (c) vs. John Cena
Holy shit, what an awesome set that is. I especially dig the floor screen. Good idea for the opener, as Cena will certainly get the crowd going, and that's what you need for a show like this. Cena's opening rap is rather funny, mainly because he hadn't completely lost his edge yet. And I gotta show love for his SWEET 1-Up Mushroom wristbands. Seriously, Jon Heidenreich could wear those, and I would mark out for him. Show dominates a huge portion of the first part of the match, including him catching Cena on a crossbody attempt, and hitting a powerslam. Show spends too much time plodding between moves here. Cena has some small comeback spots, but Show stops them quickly. Show hits a nice big boot and gets the HOG LOG~ for two. Show wears Cena (and me) down with the Cobra Clutch. It goes on for far too long, until Cena makes his comeback. Dropkick to the knee of Show, and Cena hoists Show up for the FU, nails it, and gets...TWO. Damn, it's always impressive when he does that, especially considering how long he holds him up like that. Cena, in disbelief, goes for the chain, but the ref stops him. Cena simply tosses the chain away from the ref, puts on some custom knux, nails Show, and gets ANOTHER FU for the US Title. Cena has a nice celebration, which kinda makes the title seem more valuable than it is. * Really slow and boring for the most part, and it went too long for what it really should have been. It seemed like a 5-minute Smackdown match stretched to 10. Plus, Show had about 98% of the offense in the entire match, while Cena only managed to hit a few moves altogether. Still, the crowd was crazy into Cena, and it was a smart idea to start the card off with him getting the title, as it got the crowd psyched for the rest of the show.

Backstage, COACH~! is asked to look for Undertaker by Bischoff.

Really, really cool promo from Evolution, featuring video clips of key moments in the Evolution vs. Foley feud. Randy's delivery is awesome.

RAW Tag Team Title match: Rob Van Dam & Booker T (c) vs. La Resistance vs. Jindrak & Cade vs. Dudley Boyz
Man, did THIS match get somewhat interesting in retrospect, mainly because six of the people in this match would end up working for the other brand a couple of weeks later, with the two C's (Cade and Conway) on RAW. Booker and RVD get NO pop, mainly because of Booker's horrible Originals song. That theme combination they used would have been so much better with Booker's older song. What Cade and Jindrak did to deserve a spot at Mania, I don't know. A sweet double-team move happens quite early in the match, when RVD slingshots Dupree into a Booker T superkick. Later on, Bubba goes for the Flip and the Flop, but Booker stops him before Bubba can Fly with a jump side leg sidekick . D-Von sneaks in with the Saving Grace, as Booker seems to be the face-in-peril. After a while, Booker gets the mild tag to RVD, who comes in and kicks the crap out of everyone. That's how RVD is effective in tag matches. He can't sell shampoo to Kevin Nash, so have him take the hot tag and kick the shit out of everyone. The ever exciting Cade breaks up a 3D attempt, leaving Conway to DDT D-Von. Booker then hits an Axe Kick on Conway, and RVD hits a massive Five Star Frog Splash for the 3. Damn, he got some height on that puppy. *1/2 Not a bad match at all, though it's not particularly good, either. Really short, and seemed more like a free TV match. The middle was pretty dead, as Conway should have tagged someone else in, instead of spending that much time doing restholds, though it could be seen as him working on Booker's perennially injured back. I was also incredibly disappointed by the severe lack of FRENCH TICKLER~. It's Wrestlemania, goddammit! I pay good money to see Dupree dance! On the plus side, the involvement of Jindrak and Cade was really minimal.

Coach continues The Great Undertaker Search. Hint: It's the one wearing a sock. Anyways, he stumbles upon Mean Gene and Bobby Heenan making out with Moolah and Mae Young. Really gross to think about, but Heenan's presence alone makes the skit tolerable.

Chris Jericho vs. Christian
For some reason, Christian's tights remind me of the tights Shawn Michaels wore at Wrestlemania XII. They look nice at any rate. Both guys get in each others' faces in the beginning, talkin' smack behind yo back, Jack. I live in a house with a mouse who wears a blouse...OK, I'll stop droppin' the beats, Pete. Jericho starts off by pelting Christian with punches, showing more intensity than usual. Christian takes a nice bump early on with a sweet back body drop to the outside. Jericho follows up with a nice springboard plancha to the outside, then tosses Christian into the barrier in somewhat vicious fashion. Jericho contributes his own nice bump by taking a back suplex to the outside. Christian works him over with some really good intensity in the punching and choking. The match then dies for a bit with Christian's trademark C&C (choke & chinlock) offense, but surprises me by cutting off a Jericho comeback with a spinning heel kick, something I haven't seen him do in years. Jericho come back to life, as does the match. Jericho gets the Juke 'N' Jive ropechoke, followed by a really nice running enzuigiri. Jericho counters the Diving Inverted DDT (I'm just going to call it the "Debeautifier", because it NEEDS A NAME) with a Northern Lights for some 2s. Lionsault is countered with the knees, and Christian gets a Tornado Debeautifier. Sweet. Jericho manages a desperation Flashback, but Christian gets the Debeautifier backbreaker, another move he hasn't done in a while. Jericho tries to suplex Christian off the top, but Christian suplexes HIM off, and Jericho starts selling the leg. In yet another move Christian rarely ever does, he gets a crossbody, only for Jericho to counter it. Christian goes after the knee with a Texas Cloverleaf, as I totally mark out. I was waiting for the revival of that move sometime. Jericho counters it into the Walls in almost one motion. Awesome. Christian rolls to the outside, but Jericho holds onto it the whole time. Nice. Jericho and Christian mess up an avalanche Butterfly suplex, but they recover nicely, and they hit it right off the second rope. Trish comes out, as Christian absolutely SPIKES Jericho with an implant DDT. Right on his fucking head. Christian brings Trish in, and roughs her around for a bit. Jericho goes to her aid, but she "accidentally" elbows Jericho, which leads to a LAME rollup win for Christian. Jericho tries to go after Christian, but Trish stops him short, and SLAPS HIM, thus turning heel and aligning herself with Christian. ***1/2 Very well-done match. I dug the early intensity shown by both guys, which got the story across fairly well. Christian's crappy offense in the middle hurt it, though he seemed to show more intensity than usual during his choking, but it really got cooking when Jericho came back. I also really liked the psychology of both guys knowing each other so well that they were pulling out all kinds of rarely-seen moves to keep each other off-guard. Most of the execution, save for one glaring exception, was also quite crisp. The stuff with the knee probably should have been played earlier, as it would have given Christian something to work with, but it was quite fine otherwise. The ending sucked ass, but I liked the turn, because I didn't really see it coming beforehand, and it made Trish about 50% hotter. :) Great effort from Jericho, far better than the usual from Christian.

Backstage, Foley gets ready for a promo, but Rock interrupts and absolutely tears the house down in only the way Rock could. The part where Rock points out "Hamburglar and Grimace", and the camera zooms in on Hurricane and Rosey trying to hide a hamburger is especially golden. Just great stuff that gets the crowd hyped up for their match.

2-on-3 Handicap match: The Rock & Mick Foley vs. Batista, Randy Orton, & Ric Flair
I'm actually kinda surprised that there was no build-up video for this, considering how much went into the Orton-Foley rivalry. The faces charge right in to start the contest, then the match starts proper with Rock and Flair. Rock hits a shoulderblock, and lightens the mood with a Nature Boy strut. The crowd is right into Flair here. Flair comes back with some chops, but ends up taking a back body drop on the floor. About a second later, Foley comes crashing down on Flair from out of nowhere with a Cactus Elbow. BANG BANG~! I seriously mark out for that spot every time it happens, mainly because of the camera work. I love it when moves like that come out of nowhere. Back in the ring, Flair tags Orton. Understandingly, Foley wants in, so Rock tags him, which causes Orton to bail out of the ring. Foley follows him out and pounds the crap out of him. Foley does the tree of woe axehandle spot, which leads to a really funny spot, where Rock comes in, distracts the ref, and whacks him in the bean bag while he's hanging upside-down. Lawler: "Rock is 'Walking Tall' and Orton is 'Walking Funny'". Later on, Rock is knocked out of the ring, which allows DAVE~ to drape him across the barricade. DAVE~ then tags in and lays in some shots on Rocky Morton, but Rock comes back with some punching of his own. Flair comes in to cut Rock off while attempting to make a tag, uttering the line "I don't think so, motherfucker". Awesome. Flair absolutely chops the fucking tar out of Rock, and stops to strut, only to walk into another Rock LAAAAAAARRRIIIIAAAAATTTTOOOOOOO. Batista comes in and pounds on Rock for a bit, until Rock gets yet another lariat to take DAVE~ down, and he MAKES THE TAG. Foley pounds the crap out of Batista, and takes the time to go after Flair and Orton. Foley is knocked out of the ring by a Batista clothesline, prompting Orton to go after him, but Foley gets a Mandible Claw on the outside. He is overcome by Evolution, and is sent knees-first into the steel stairs. Classic Foley bump, and it still makes me cringe. Foley is apparently playing Mickey Morton this time. Orton rolls him into the ring and goes to school on him, just pounding him with fierce intensity. Flair comes in and pounds on Mickey for a while with chops and kicks in the damaged knee. Mick goes for a tag, but a drop toe hold prevents that, and Orton is tagged back in, and he applies a camel clutch to try to break his spirit. Batista comes in and just pounds the shit out of Foley with clotheslines and punches. Mick tries for a desperation Mandible Claw, but Batista calls Orton in, and he breaks it up with a boot to the face. That was a very simple, yet very effective bit of tag psychology. After a bit, Foley counters a back body drop with a neckbreaker. After a double clothesline spot, Flair cuts off another possible hot tag. Foley manages to take Flair out and HOT TAG ROCK. He goes nuts on Flair with punches, DDTs Orton, and just flings Batista into the ring. Rock cleans house, until he takes a Batista spinebuster, which leads to...THE NATURE BOY ELBOW, complete with strutting. Rock kips up and punches Flair, and STRUTS before hitting the spit punch. Rock gets the People's Elbow, and struts before hitting THAT, too. This is an absolute fucking ball to watch. Orton tries for the KRO, but Rock counters that and hits the Bock Rottom! ONLY IN EWW! Flair grabs a chair to distract the ref, which allows the illegal Batista to come in and destroy Rock with the Demon Bomb. It seems that Rocky Morton is a recurring role in this match. Orton only gets a two off of that. Rock manages to get another tag to Foley, and Randy is quite fucked right about now. He takes out the other members of Evolution and hits a Double-Arm DDT on Orton. He goes for the sock, but Orton, absolutely out of nowhere, hits the RKO for the win. **** Great Horsemen-esque formula tag match. The heels were especially on, with intensity and great heel psychology galore. Evolution did a tremendous job pounding on the faces, and the faces did a great job of selling it convincingly, which made the hot tags that much more meaningful. Rock and Foley seemed rusty in places, but they did a great job otherwise. The match told a hell of a story, especially some of the stuff with Orton and Foley. I also loved the way that the Foley heat segment was totally played off as THE beatdown to top their previous beatdowns, and the build to the hot tag to Rock was build up nicely. The stuff between Flair and Rock was tremendously fun, and seriously had me cracking up. I'd almost give anything for another Rock/Flair 1-on-1 match after watching this. The ending was also tremendous, as it really made the RKO look good because it could catch you out of nowhere, not to mention the extremely smooth execution. Awesome stuff all-round, and genuinely fun to watch.

Hall of Fame ceremony, with Heenan (complete with "Shhh!" motion when announced as being Okerlund's "part time tag team partner", always funny), Tito Santana, God...er, I mean, Big John Studd, Harley Race, Pete Rose (who is booed mercilessly), Don Muraco, Greg Valentine (with a big pop), Junkyard Dog (complete with woofing from the crowd, hopefully not interpreted as booing), Superstar Billy Graham, Sgt. Slaughter, and Jesse Ventura. Nice little ceremony, and it's a decent break from the in-ring action.

Playboy Evening Gown match: Stacy Keibler & Miss Jackie vs. Torrie Wilson & Sable
Stacy, Torrie, and Sable all strip down to their underwear, mainly because Sable had a busted implant at the time. That would also explain her (thankfully) limited involvement. Miss Jackie, despite the fact that she spent weeks beforehand taking her top off to help Rico win matches, decides that she's above taking her clothes off, but the other ladies decide to do that for her. Not that I'm complaining. Sable does a few kicks, then stays out for the rest of the match. The rest is pretty much every Torrie/Stacy match in a nutshell: cartwheel, choking, somewhat smooth pinfall reversal sequence, and roll over the ref. I'd just like to thank God for allowing Cole and Tazz to call the match, because it would have been damn near unbearable if Lawler were announcing this. Torrie reverses a Jackie rollup, smacks her ass for good luck, and wins the match for the Smackdown side. Sable and Torrie share a peck near the entranceway. Hmmmm...1/2* Cookie-cutter Smackdown women's match, albeit done better than usual, and mercifully short.

Continued

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