Wrestlemania VIII
Shawn Michaels vs. El Matador
Bobby and Gorilla made with the funny right away by arguing over whether Reba McEntire (who just sang the national anthem, which I promptly fast-forwarded through) is El Matador's sister or not. This is the first Wrestlemania for Shawn Michaels as a solo competitor, and isn't over yet, shockingly. It was pretty damned weird hearing Sherri sing "Sexy Boy" instead of Shawn, too. This is also a pretty damned responsive crowd. This was foreshadowed at the Rumble a couple of months earlier, when Tito and Shawn were going at it, eliminating each other in the process. Tito's WWE career was pretty much winding down here. Stalling, Shawn bumping, and massive, heinous headlocking from Tito pretty much encompass the first several minutes of this match, though it is slightly better than it sounds. One of the headlocks was executed pretty neatly, as Shawn was hotdogging on the apron, and Tito put the headlock on him and dragged him over the ropes and into the ring. Later in the match, Michaels hits the Sweet Chin Music, but it wasn't his finisher then, as he was using the Teardrop Suplex back then, so SCM didn't do a lot of damage to Tito. He hit it pretty nice, too. The ending few minutes of the match were damn good, as Tito hits the Flying Jalapeno and the Picante del Fuego, or whatever he called it, as Shawn overbumps the hell out of them. The finish seemed really blown, though, as Tito picks Shawn up for a slam, but just falls back and Shawn pins him. I think Sherri missed her cue to pull Tito's leg out from under his leg. Good enough opener. **1/4
LOD and Paul Ellering promo
You want to know why comedians make fun of wrestling promos? This is why. Animal rambles on like someone who took promo lessons from Ahmed Johnson, Hawk says stuff that I forget, and wouldn't want to remember anyways, and Paul Ellering is an OK promo guy, though he says some pretty "interesting" stuff.
"When my boys are good, they are really good. And when my boys are BAD, then they are really BAD!"
Doesn't that sound like something a dominatrix would say? His delivery also needed work.
"We get our money...the old fashioned way: We...beat people for it!"
This is some pretty unintentionally funny stuff. The interview as a whole is pretty crap, too long, and it would only lead to Rocco. Just don't ask.
Undertaker vs. Jake "The Snake" Roberts
Jake cuts a pretty cool heel promo beforehand. This is Taker's second Wrestlemania, and he even got huge reactions then. This is an example of pure "Midcard Squashin' ", as Taker totally kills Jake, and no-sells his finisher TWICE. You could just tell that Jake was on his way out. Jake retaliates by taking Damien out, holding Damien to his crotch, and stroking him. OK, that didn't happen yet. After the second DDT (DDT! DDT! DDT! Thinkaboutit!), Jake stupidly rolls out of the ring and punches Paul Bearer, but the cushioning of six chins must have softened the blow, because Paul no-sells it. While this awesomeness is going on, Taker rolls outside and tombstones Jake onto the floor (with Jake's hair just touching the gym mat), and pins him for the academic three, to a big pop. The fans really ate this up because it was basically Jake getting his just desserts for being an asshole, storyline wise. Jake then goes on to WCW to compete with Sting in the legendary mat classic known as the Coal Miner's Glove match.
Intercontinental Title: "Rowdy" Roddy Piper vs. Bret "Hitman" Hart
The promo beforehand had Piper giving Bret a rambling (yet hilarous) spiel, while Bret just stands there. Piper pinches his cheek, and IT'S ON, BABEH! The story here is that Bret wants his IC title back from Piper, who beat Mountie, who won it from Bret originally. Big pop for both guys. They try to outsmart each other and get into each other's heads throughout most of the match, like Bret faking an injury and rolling Piper up, ala Survivor Series 1995, and Piper spitting at Bret, drawing the ire of Gorilla Monsoon. Good stuff. Piper just unloads on Bret with some pretty impactful shots, while Bret blades to show the crowd that the blows really meant something. Bret is just bleeding all over the mat. When the ref gets taken out, Piper grabs the ring bell, and goes to hit Bret, who is struggling to get up, but the fans don't want him too. Nowadays, the fans would boo the shit out of you if you DIDN'T hit him with the bell. Ah, the moral sewer in which we live. Piper has a change of heart and drops the bell, to a nice pop. Sleeper, and Bret debuts the "climb the ropes and roll through the sleeper" spot to win back the IC title in a fantastic match. Piper's best WWE match, easy, and the first time he got pinned on TV, I believe. They hug afterwards. ****
Lex Luger Interview
My good God, this was some funny shit. Lex gets in a funny exchange about the quality of the announcing, then just gives himself the biggest verbal handjob in history. It's great to see Luger in a character that suited him well, instead of being a failed Hogan successor. Heenan is in all his glory, heaping the praise on Luger, while annoying the hell out of Gorilla at the same time. Unfortunately, this was part of one of Vince's disastrously bad pet projects, the World Bodybuilding Federation. Great segment, nonetheless.
Nasty Boys, Repo Man, and Mountie vs. Big Boss Man, Virgil, Hacksaw Jim Duggan, and Sgt. Slaughter
WOOOOOOO!!! Repo Man, Mountie, AND early 90s Boss Man. Rock on. Ray Combs gets in a couple of good zingers on the heel team before getting chased out. The match is just punch-and-kick city, with Saggs throwing in a pumphandle slam, the only real move of note, other than the "jump on opponent's back and get hit in the nuts the third time" spot with Boss Man and Repo. Heenan gives us the most important news piece of the night: Shawn Michaels has left the building. Gorilla throws a fit as Bobby repeats the news. This is why they're the best announce team ever, boys and girls. Heel miscommunication leads to Virgil getting the pin on Knobs. Pretty lame that we didn't get to see any of the trademarks of any of the wrestlers here. No Pity City, no shock stick, none of that good stuff. 1Ú4*
WWF Title: "Macho Man" Randy Savage vs. Ric Flair
This had an award-winning angle leading up to it, where Flair was claiming that Elizabeth was with him before she was with Savage, and even published pictures of himself and her in WWF Magazine. Flair comes out to the theme that they dub over his current music in commercial tapes and DVDs. Still rocks, though. Savage is suitably pissed, and for good reason. Perfect joins Flair at ringside, and is just being an ass. I love it. Plenty of nearfalls exchanged between the two, and Flair and Perfect cheat their faces off, while Savage beats on Flair. Flair does a nice blade job on the outside, but Flair controls again with suplexes. Savage mounts the comeback, hitting the axehandle and the elbowdrop, but Perfect drags Savage out, drawing MASSIVE heel heat. Elizabeth arrives, and officials (one being a young Shane McMahon) try to stop her. While distracting the referee, Perfect tosses some brass knuckles to Flair, but the Power of the Punch only gets two on this occasion. Savage's knee then gets destroyed by the heels, including a Perfect chairshot. Flair then works the knee in classic Flair fashion, leading up to the Figure Four, but to no avail. Man, Savage is selling that leg like a fucking pro. Flair then goes after it some more, but stalling leads to Savage punching Flair, and rolling him up (while pulling the trunks) for the three. I normally wouldn't approve of that ending, but it worked so incredibly well because it was Flair getting a taste of his own medicine. The celebration is cut short by Flair and Perfect, however. It was great to see Savage win the title on his own, because he totally deserved it. Awesome match, with lots of great psychology, cheating, and selling. One of the best Wrestlemania title matches ever. ****1/2 Flair and Perfect cut a SWANK~ promo afterwards, basically bitching about the pulling of the trunks, ignoring their own massive cheating. Savage then cuts his own promo, and STILL sold the knee. Great stuff.
Rick Martel vs. Tatanka
Rick gets in a couple of good Native American jokes, lastly remarking that the match wouldn't go on because Tatanka was "still outside scalping tickets". Pretty much 1992's equivalent of "EDDIE MOED MY LAWN". I think this was Tatanka's debut match, and he still wasn't good then, though he would go unpinned until just before Survivor Series 1993. That's too long a streak for someone who sucked as bad as he did. Pretty much a Superstars match, with nothing noteworthy going on at all. Martel pounds on him, tries a crossbody block, and Tatanka rolls through it for the three, and Tatanka dances to the back. Heenan got in a couple of good Native American jokes, but the match wasn't anything else. And why was Tatanka referred to as "Native American"? He was playing up damn near every other stereotype, so why not have gone with "Indian" to finish it off? Another thing would be to use the Indian Deathlock and rename it as "Wounded Knee"? Why am I spending this much time talking about freakin' Tatanka? DUD
WWF Tag Team Titles: Money Inc. vs. Natural Disasters
This doesn't look good. Jimmy Hart turned on Shockmaster and Golga, and aligned himself with Money Inc, turning the Disasters face. Nothing really happens here. The fat boys dominate early, but the heels double-team Tugboat, as he plays Ricky Morton on Beefcake (the South Park weight-gain powder, not the wrestler). The Disasters come back and beat the crap out of Money Inc, until the heels grab their belts and exeunt, stage left, for the bullshit countout. Terrible ending, but the faces went over. 1Ú4*
Owen Hart vs. Skinner
Skinner spits tobacco in Owen's face to start. He then dominates with a shoulderbreaker, and hits the Gator Breaker (Inverted DDT), but Owen kicks out. Owen is then tossed out, but he skins the cat and rolls Skinnah up for the three. Whew, what a marathon, though it's understandable, due to time constraints. DUD.
Hulk Hogan vs. Sid Justice
During the Hogan Tribute Show that ran a week or two before this, Hogan contemplated this as being his last match. As if. Just after the Flair/Savage match, they showed clips of Sid being a real monster, basically killing Superstars jobbers, then beating on them as they are being stretchered out. That's the stuff Kane should be doing right now, not beating up on a bunch of non-wrestlers and RVD. Sid cuts an incoherent promo beforehand. This was another one of those "friend turns on Hulk, and Hulk gets revenge" feuds. Dr. Harvey Whippleman announces Sid to the crowd, and Sid gets some real heel heat here. Hogan comes out and gushes with happiness at the crowd response, because, kids, THIS COULD BE HIS LAST MATCH EVER. Sid beats on Hulk before "Real American" ends, but Hogan comes back and knocks Sid out of the ring, and finishes ripping off his shirt and posing. Sid controls with some punches, kicks, Harvey's doctor bag, and the NERVE PINCH OF UNBEARABLE GAS PAIN, LOSS OF APPETITE, DIARRHEA, HEARTBURN, TENNIS ELBOW, AND TURF TOE. Hulk comes back, but walks into a sideslam. Powerbomb gets two, as Hulk Hulks up. You know the rest. BUT WAIT! Sid kicks out of the legdrop! MAH GAWD, HE'S NOT HUMAN! Dr. Harvey runs in for the DQ. Actually, there were different stories regarding this circulating. One of which being that Sid was caught cheating on a drug test, and thought he was on the way out, and decided to kick out because he had nothing to lose. The other one was that Papa Shango didn't get down there in time to break up the pin, and Sid had to kick out. Pick whichever one you want. Papa Godfather comes out to help Sid beat on Hulk, but THE ULTIMATE WARRIOR'S MUSIC PLAYS~ and Warrior runs out! Watching this back then, it was very unexpected, and the crowd went absolutely bonkers. They clear the ring, and Warrior poses with Hulk to close the show. What an ending. Match was shit, though. 1Ú2*
Verdict: Can't go wrong with this show. Two awesome matches, and one fucking exciting and energetic ending. The crap doesn't drag this down too bad, and the good stuff REALLY shines. Thumbs way up.
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