Burning Hammer Tape Review #19

CellJr300 On

XPW: Hardcore Conception
Compilation Tape

--Taped mostly from the Los Angeles, CA area

--Your host is Kriss Kloss

--Supreme V. Homeless Jimmy. Supreme's pre-match vignette is funny, but not in a "ha-ha" way, but in more of a "man that was bad" way. It depicts him as a psychotic butcher, which in itself is funny since he usually butchers any match he's involved in, but it's even funnier since he has no acting abilities whatsoever, and ends up rambling through most of the vignette while chopping up various dead animals. Jimmy tries a Moonsault Bodyblock off the apron, but totally undershoots it and hits Supreme in the mouth with his feet. Supreme gets the pin at 6:17 with a Splash off the top-rope on Jimmy who was on top of a table. 1/4* Very little wrestling, this was mostly badly done brawling, and being the first ever match in XPW it would set a template for all the rest of the crap that was to follow.

--No Disqualification Match: Phenomenal Phil V. Johnny Webb. I have no idea who Phil is, but since this is the only time I've ever seen him in action I don't think it really matters. Phil gets the pin at 2:03 aired with a Michinoku Driver II on a chair. NO RATING Total clip job.

--Dynamite D V. Johnny Webb (W/Missy Hyatt). Time has not been kind to the once smoking hot Hyatt, who is now essentially a pair of implants and silicone lips with a bunch of skin hanging off of all the various surgical work. Webb gets the pin at 7:08 after a couple of cane shots. -* Terrible match, your usual horrendous effort from Webb, and nothing good coming from the performance of D.

--Damien Steele (W/Basil & Kristi Myst) V. Big Dick. Basil is Steele's bodyguard and I can't recall ever seeing him anywhere else but his brief stint in XPW. Dick is Big Dick Dudley, but due to trademark issues XPW isn't allowed to use the Dudley portion of the name. Match is a no-contest at 2:13 aired after a whole bunch of crap happens involving both wresters bullying around the referee. NO RATING Another clip job.

--Damien Steele V. Kid Kaos. Steele wins by disqualification at 1:03 aired when Big Dick comes out and attacks him. NO RATING Another clip job.

--Barbed Wire, Cage Match: Damien Steele (W/Kristi Myst & Nicole Bass) V. Big Dick. The cage is your basic cage, just with barbed wire wrapped around the top to prevent either man from escaping, and thus that means this match will be contested under pinfall/submission to win rules. Steele busts out what I once thought was the worst Handspring move I've ever seen, he stumbles through the Handspring portion of the move, lands way short of his mark, and then delivers an Eye Poke to Dick, but I've since been informed that he does all of that on purpose, so it's actually pretty cool with that being the case. Steele gets the pin with a Swinging Neckbreaker at 12:01 after porn star & Dick's valet Jasmin St. Claire came out from under the ring and turned on Dick spraying him in the face with mace, which for her must be really unusual since the dick is usually spraying her in the face. DUD Another bad match, with no flow, psychology, good spots, or anything that can make a match good or worth watching.

--Final Flash: Terrible show, with not one redeeming factor I can think of. On the plus side you can only really go up after a show like this, but then again this is XPW, and they would manage to prove that theory wrong countless times after this.

Not Recommended, Stay Away, Stay Far Away

Back to homepage